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Some people think that children should spend their free time doing homework, while others believe it would be better for children to participate in sports activities instead. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think that children should spend their free time doing homework, while others believe it would be better for children to participate in sports activities instead. What is your opinion? v. 1
There is an everlasting debate whether children ought to spend their spare time in doing homework or it is better for them to practice sports. I entirely agree with the latter view for some reasons which will be discussed below. To begin with, spending leisure time doing school homework can affect not only childrens’ psychological health but also their characters. That is to say, little ones who are committed with school assignments, that need hours to be completed, often suffer from stress. For instance, pedagogical experts in Finland, which has the first place over the world due to its educational system, recommend not to give primary school as well as kindergarten students any school homework. Furthermore, this approach may lead children to hate school as there is no time for them to play. Hence, so as to prevent truancy, young children should not be burdened with homework. In addition, participating in sports may help in instill discipline, perfect traits and manners in juniors’ personalities. This is owing to the idea that several sports teach them attributes such as team spirit and cooperation which can definitely lead them to be good citizens in the foreseeable future. Moreover, sport activities may help children to be more fit. This is because sports often enhance juniors’ health, and they can avoid some problems such as being over weight or obese when they do sport. In conclusion, due to leading to school absence and psychological issues, I hold the notion that in order for children to be healthier, they should exploit their free time in practicing sports rather than doing homework.
There is an everlasting debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
or it is better for them to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which will
be discussed
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
can affect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
’ psychological health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their characters.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones who
are committed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
assignments, that need hours to
be completed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, pedagogical experts in Finland, which has the
first
place over the world due to its educational system, recommend not to give primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as well
as kindergarten students any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
.
Furthermore
, this approach may lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to hate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to play.
Hence
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
truancy, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be burdened
with homework.

In addition
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in instill discipline, perfect traits and manners in juniors’ personalities. This is owing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach them attributes such as team spirit and cooperation which can definitely lead them to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens in the foreseeable future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more fit. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enhance juniors’ health, and they can avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as being over weight or obese when they do sport.

In conclusion
, due to leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
absence and psychological issues, I hold the notion that in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be healthier, they should exploit their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should spend their free time doing homework, while others believe it would be better for children to participate in sports activities instead. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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