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The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Money is creating a barrier in human’s communicate. Nowadays, people tend to have a different view of both the wealth and the poor, which cause many drawbacks. In my opinion, this is a negative development and it should be stopped as soon as possible. The discrimination between rich and poor has brought many different consequences for human’s life. In fact, it is happening in many undeveloped countries such as India. Obviously, this gap will create humans inequality problems in society. The wealth seems not to respect the poor and always reject their ideas even those are good. Therefore, it will create bad behaviour in children development, because they love to mimic an adult’s action. In addition, inequity also a lack of sympathy between the people in society nowadays. Sadly, it happens to most of the youth who come from a rich family. As a human being, showing our sympathy is showing our morals. However, everything has a solution and so do the unfairness among rich and poor people. The most important thing to break this barrier down is to let the wealth aware of their sympathy by showing them how hard the poor live every day. In fact, in many countries such as Singapore, the government asks for the salary tax every month. That cash will be invested in the build-up community centres or donating to help unlucky people. From my view, this such a good way for the rich to show their morals as well as sympathy to others. In addition, rich people should get in touch more with the poor so they will understand more about the value of cash. To conclude, no one or law against humans to be rich. However, the value of cash is not being aware of. Therefore, the barrier between rich and poor still there and hard to break down. I appeal the wealth should be more sympathy and respect the poor, because they also humans and they deserve to be better. I believe that kindness, love and morals will stand forever.
Money is creating a barrier in
Consider using the plural form here: "humans".
human’s
communicate. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, which cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

The discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
life. In fact, it is happening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
undeveloped countries such as India.
Obviously
, this gap will create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
inequality problems in society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
seems not to respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and always reject their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
even those are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Therefore
, it will create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in children development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to mimic an adult’s action.
In addition
, inequity
also
a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sympathy
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society nowadays.
Sadly
, it happens to most of the youth who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
family. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being, showing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sympathy
is showing our morals.

However
, everything has a solution and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do the unfairness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to break this barrier down is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sympathy
by showing them how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
every day. In fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries such as Singapore, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
the salary tax every month. That cash will
be invested
in the build-up community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or donating to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
unlucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. From my view, this such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their morals
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sympathy
to others.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch more with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will understand more about the value of cash.

To conclude
, no one or law against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
.
However
, the value of cash is not being aware of.
Therefore
, the barrier between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
still
there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to break down. I appeal the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
should be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sympathy
and respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
humans and
they deserve to be better. I believe that kindness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and morals will stand forever.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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