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The following paragraph was written by a C1-Level learner, but it was not coherent, or cohesive and with poor lexical or grammatical resources. Revise it in 100 words minimum.

The following paragraph was written by a C1-Level learner, but it was not coherent, or cohesive and with poor lexical or grammatical resources. Revise it in 100 words minimum. nXBEK
We can see clearly that one global language has many disadvantages. When there is only one language speaks all over the world, the other languages will die out. And one language dies out means one culture will die out, too. There will be no more culture diversity and the world is enjoying this diversity. In addition, if there were only one language left, tourism will stop because we do not have a reason travelling when there is the same language and the same culture in all countries. If so, the countries rely on tourism like a source of income will be destroyed economically.
We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
clearly
that one global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages. When there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
speaks all over the world, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. And one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
out means one culture will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, too. There will be no more culture diversity and the world is enjoying this diversity.
In addition
, if there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, tourism will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we do not have a reason travelling when there is the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and the same culture in all countries. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the countries rely on tourism like a source of income will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
economically
.
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IELTS essay The following paragraph was written by a C1-Level learner, but it was not coherent, or cohesive and with poor lexical or grammatical resources. Revise it in 100 words minimum.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following paragraph was written by a C1-Level learner, but it was not coherent, or cohesive and with poor lexical or grammatical resources. Revise it in 100 words minimum.