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The following is a recommendation from the city manager of Bridge Bay.“Last year, the number of visits to our local beach in Bridge Bay was 50 percent lowerthan the year before. Early last year we ended our contract with Arko Trash Collection, acompany

The following is a recommendation from the city manager of Bridge Bay. “Last year, the number of visits to our local beach in Bridge Bay was 50 percent lowerthan the year before. Early last year we ended our contract with Arko Trash Collection, acompany xmxwa
The writer of this argument is the city manager of Bridge Bay who is hypothesizing that the beach's decrease in visitors last year is due to the ending of their contract with Arko Trash Collection. The writer states that last year the attendance was 50% lower than the year before when Arko Trash Collection was working as the garbage collectors. It is also stated that nearby beaches that continue to use Arko Trash Collection are experiencing a high number of visitors. The conclusion of the writer's argument is that in order to increase visitors to Bridge Bay, they need to fire the new garbage collectors Satellite Waste Corporation and resume contract with Arko Trash collection. The author's argument is a good attempt to figure out why attendance has decreased but it is not a valid or reliable argument due to the writer's lack of evidence, use of questionable assumptions and vague terminology; in order to have a reasonable argument the author needs to answer many questions which will be presented in this essay. It is stated that the attendance of the Bridge Beach by visitors was 50% lower last year than the year before. The author then states that this is due to the ending of the contract with Arko and the beginning of a new contract with Satellite. In order for this assumption to be validated, the author should address questions and define the vague terms used. To begin, how was the number 50% collected? It would be helpful for the writer to state whether this was collected through a reliable survey, because if this number was collected from weekend visitors two years before and then collected from weekday visitors this past year, the number decrease would not be comparable. Additionally, the reader of this argument needs to know the amount of trash that was collected in both years that are being compared. For example, what if two years ago the amount of trash was the same as the last year but in the last year many new beaches opened up in the area? This would suggest that the decrease in visitors was not due to the change in trash collectors but rather due to changes in the greater community. The writer continues to back up the conclusion with questionable assumptions when it is stated that Ocean Harbor, a nearby beach, that still uses Arko has " record levels of attendance. " The author uses this statement in an attempt to prove that the higher levels of visitors are due to Arko being the trash collectors, but again there is no evidence that the higher level of visitors is due to there being less trash. The writer needs to again provide statistics on the amount of trash collected by Arko at Ocean Harbor and provide details on the current state of the beach. For example, what if Ocean Harbor beach has more visitors this year due to the fact that they added rides and a boardwalk full of games? What if Ocean Harbor has calmer waters and offers a full bar and beach side food services? This could be the real reason why Ocean Harbor has more visitors and why Bridge Bay's visitor numbers have dropped. If the author describes the amenities present at each beach and it is proven that their amenities are then same, then demonstrates that there is more trash per square foot on Bridge Bay beach than on Ocean Harbor with valid statistics, then the argument would be stronger and reasonable; sadly, though, this is not the case in the argument presented. Finally the author uses the argument that there have been an increase in complaints about garbage on Bridge Bay this past year. The author forgets to add vital information here in order to successfully use this statement as proof to the conclusion. Who were those who complained? What if the increase in complaints of trash on the beach is from one single person who calls every day or multiple times a day? In order to have a stronger argument and use the complaints as proof that the decrease in visitors is due to an increase in trash, the writer needs to provide details on the content of the complaints, and how many people are complaining. In conclusion, it is important to address the garbage problem present on many beaches. In this argument, the city manager of Bridge Bay makes an unsubstantiated claim that their decrease in visitors last year is due to changing garbage collection agencies. The argument presented is not reasonable or reliable as the terms are vague and the assumptions presented have no validity or evidence to back them up. If the writer provides the reader with a comparison in amount of trash on the Bridge Bay beach in both years being compared and connects it to a decrease in visitors then the argument would be stronger. The writer additionally cannot successfully compare Bridge Bay beach to Ocean Harbor beach without discussing the amenities provided in both beaches and the amount of trash present per square foot. Finally the writer should provide more details about who is making complaints and what the content of the complaints are in order to have a stronger argument. With more research and work to answer the presented questions, the city manager will discover that their argument is deeply flawed and will have the chance to strengthen it and hopefully learn the cause of decreased visitors on Bridge Bay Beach.
The
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writer
of this
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argument
is the city manager of
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Bridge
Bay
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who
is hypothesizing that the beach's
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decrease
in
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visitors
last
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year
is
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due
to the ending of their
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contract
with
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Arko
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Trash
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Collection
. The
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writer
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states
that last
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year
the
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attendance
was 50% lower than the
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
when
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Arko
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Trash
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Collection
was working as the garbage collectors. It is
also
stated that nearby
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beaches
that continue to
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use
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Arko
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Trash
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Collection
are experiencing a high
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number
of
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visitors
. The
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conclusion
of the writer's
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argument
is that in
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order
to
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increase
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visitors
to
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Bridge
Bay, they
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need
to fire the new garbage collectors Satellite Waste Corporation and resume
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contract
with
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Arko
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Trash
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collection
. The author's
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argument
is a
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good
attempt to figure out why
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attendance
has decreased
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but
it is not a valid or reliable
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argument
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due
to the writer's lack of evidence,
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use
of questionable
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assumptions
and vague terminology; in
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order
to have a reasonable
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argument
the
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author
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needs
to answer
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many
questions which will be
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presented
in this essay.

It
is stated
that the
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attendance
of the
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Bridge
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Beach
by
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visitors
was 50% lower last
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year
than the
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year
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before
. The
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author
then
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states
that this is
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due
to the ending of the
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contract
with
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Arko
and the beginning of a new
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contract
with Satellite. In
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order
for this
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assumption
to
be validated
, the
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author
should address questions and define the vague terms
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used
. To
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begin
, how was the
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number
50% collected? It would be helpful for the
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writer
to
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state
whether this
was collected
through a reliable survey,
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because
if this
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number
was collected
from weekend
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visitors
two years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and then collected from weekday
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visitors
this past
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year
, the
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number
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decrease
would not be comparable.
Additionally
, the reader of this
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argument
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needs
to know the
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amount
of
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trash
that
was collected
in both years that are
being compared
.
For example
, what if two years ago the
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amount
of
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trash
was the same as the last
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year
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but
in the last
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year
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many
new
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beaches
opened up in the area? This would suggest that the
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decrease
in
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visitors
was not
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due
to the
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change
in
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trash
collectors
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but
rather
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due
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the greater community.

The
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writer
continues to back up the
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conclusion
with questionable
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assumptions
when it
is stated
that
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Ocean
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Harbor
, a nearby
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beach
, that
still
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uses
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Arko
has
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&quot
; record levels of
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attendance
.
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&quot
; The
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author
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uses
this statement in an attempt to prove that the higher levels of
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visitors
are
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due
to
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Arko
being the
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trash
collectors,
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but
again there is no evidence that the higher level of
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visitors
is
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due
to there being less
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trash
. The
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writer
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needs
to again
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provide
statistics on the
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amount
of
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trash
collected by
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Arko
at
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Ocean
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Harbor
and
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provide
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details
on the
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current
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state
of the
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beach
.
For example
, what if
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Ocean
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Harbor
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beach
has more
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visitors
this
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year
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due
to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
rides and a boardwalk full of games? What if
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Ocean
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Harbor
has calmer waters and offers a full bar and
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beach
side food services? This could be the real reason why
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Ocean
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Harbor
has more
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visitors
and why
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Bridge
Bay's
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visitor
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numbers
have dropped. If the
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author
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describes
the amenities present at each
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beach
and it
is proven
that their amenities are then same, then demonstrates that there is more
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trash
per square foot on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bridge
Bay
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beach
than on
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Ocean
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Harbor
with valid statistics, then the
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argument
would be
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stronger
and reasonable;
sadly
, though, this is not the case in the
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argument
presented.

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Finally
the
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author
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uses
the
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argument
that there have been an
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increase
in
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complaints
about garbage on
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Bridge
Bay this past
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year
. The
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author
forgets to
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add
vital information here in
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order
to
successfully
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use
this statement as proof to the
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conclusion
.
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Who
were those
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who
complained? What if the
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increase
in
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complaints
of
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trash
on the
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beach
is from one single person
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who
calls every day or multiple times a day? In
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order
to have a
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stronger
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argument
and
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use
the
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complaints
as proof that the
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decrease
in
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visitors
is
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due
to an
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increase
in
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trash
, the
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writer
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needs
to
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provide
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details
on the content of the
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complaints
, and how
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are complaining.

In
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conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to address the garbage problem present on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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beaches
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this
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argument
, the city manager of
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Bridge
Bay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an unsubstantiated claim that their
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decrease
in
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visitors
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is
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due
to changing garbage
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collection
agencies. The
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argument
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presented
is not reasonable or reliable as the terms are vague and the
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assumptions
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presented
have no validity or evidence to back them up. If the
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writer
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provides
the reader with a comparison in
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trash
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bridge
Bay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beach
in both years
being compared
and connects it to a
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decrease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stronger
. The
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writer
additionally
cannot
successfully
compare
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Bridge
Bay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beach
to
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Ocean
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Harbor
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beach
without discussing the amenities provided in both
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beaches
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
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trash
present per square foot.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the
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writer
should
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provide
more
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details
about
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who
is making
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complaints
and what the content of the
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complaints
are in
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order
to have a
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stronger
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argument
. With more research and work to answer the
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presented
questions, the city manager will discover that their
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argument
is
deeply
flawed and will have the chance to strengthen it and
hopefully
learn the cause of decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bridge
Bay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Beach
.
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IELTS essay The following is a recommendation from the city manager of Bridge Bay. “Last year, the number of visits to our local beach in Bridge Bay was 50 percent lowerthan the year before. Early last year we ended our contract with Arko Trash Collection, acompany

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
914 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The following is a recommendation from the city manager of Bridge Bay.“Last year, the number of visits to our local beach in Bridge Bay was 50 percent lowerthan the year before. Early last year we ended our contract with Arko Trash Collection, acompany