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An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be p

An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be p Dlq07
On the face of it the development of new millet to counter the deficiency of Vitamin A among the natives of Tagus seems a brilliant step. However, there are series of assumptions and serious questions which needs to be answered before government decides to implement the policy advocated by international development organization. First of all, it is mentioned that new breed of millet has been developed. The questions arise here are how this new millet breed has been developed? Is this specifically bred for Tagus's climatic and agricultural conditions or it is some generic breed which has not been tested in the agricultural conditions of Tagus. The assumption that, new breed will succeed in Tagus is a huge assumption. In case it fails to adapt it will be a monumental failure of huge proportions which could cost dearly to people in terms of food security and financial conditions. Secondly, author assumes that new breed will have similar taste to the old breed. It is also a big assumptions, author has assumed people will have no issues in adapting to it. However, as we know humans they have specific tastes and liking towards certain grain types. It could well be the case that people of Tagus refuse to accept the taste of new breed of millet. Hence it would be prudent for the organization to first test the taste and culinary acceptance of new millet. Thirdly, it is claimed that new breed will have higher content of Vitamin A while author fails to provide any information about the content of Vitamin A in existing breed. Testing out the contents of Vitamin A in both the breeds will make the situation much clearer and would be able to data evidence about which millet has more Vitamin A. Fourthly, It is mentioned that organization wants seed subsidies for promotion of new millet breed. My question here would be, are there serious benefits arising from new millet for government to make the investment. Even if marginal gains are substantial in overcoming Vitamin A deficiency, these need to be demonstrated with data evidence that benefits overrule investment by some margin. Then only organization should raise discussion over seed subsidies. Also, we should explore, engaging government in seed production to reduce the cost rather than seeking subsidies. To conclude, we must overcome all the assumptions and questions raised in prior discussion. Major being acceptability and adaptability of new breed in agro climatic conditions of Tagus. Along with, factual evidence of vitamin A content in both the breeds. Organization must also carry out mass checks about the taste acceptability of new millet and finally it must revisit the claim that government should provide seed subsidies by proposing studies information and analysis.
On the face of it the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet to counter the deficiency of
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
among the natives of Tagus seems a brilliant step.
However
, there are series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
and serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
questions
which needs to
be answered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
decides to implement the policy advocated by international development organization.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is mentioned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
of millet has
been developed
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
questions
arise here are how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
has
been developed
? Is this
specifically
bred for Tagus's climatic and agricultural conditions or it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
generic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
which has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in the agricultural conditions of Tagus. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
will succeed in Tagus is a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
. In case it fails to adapt it will be a monumental failure of huge proportions which could cost
dearly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in terms of food security and financial conditions.

Secondly
, author assumes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
will have similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taste
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
. It is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "assumption"?
assumptions
, author has assumed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have no issues in adapting to it.
However
, as we know humans they have specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tastes
and liking towards certain grain types. It could well be the case that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Tagus refuse to accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
of millet.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it would be prudent for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
to
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taste
and culinary acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet.

Thirdly
, it
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
will have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
while author fails to provide any information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
in existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
. Testing out the contents of
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
in both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breeds
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation much clearer and would be able to data evidence about which millet has more
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
.

Fourthly
, It
is mentioned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
wants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
subsidies for promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
question
here would be, are there serious benefits arising from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the investment. Even if marginal gains are substantial in overcoming
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin A"
Vitamin A
deficiency, these need to
be demonstrated
with data evidence that benefits overrule investment by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
margin. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
should raise discussion over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
subsidies.
Also
, we should explore, engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
production to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost
rather
than seeking subsidies.

To conclude
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
overcome all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
questions
raised in prior discussion. Major being acceptability and adaptability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breed
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
agro
climatic conditions of Tagus. Along with, factual evidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vitamin
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
in both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breeds
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
carry out mass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taste
acceptability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
millet and
finally
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
revisit the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
subsidies by proposing studies information and analysis.
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IELTS essay An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be p

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
454 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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  • An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be p