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The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia."Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, f

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. " Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, f 9LByw
The author of the argument predicts continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. But while extrapolating his conclusion based on mentioned factors in his argument author has forgot to provide vital evidence needed for his prediction to be true. He has based his conclusion without considering some important variables that affect the strength of his argument. First of all, author correlates the finding of his study with increase in commercial use of salicylates in foods. While developing this logic, he mentions that salicylates can be used to treat headaches. He also mentions that naturally, foods are already rich in the content of salicylates. Hence, he should provide information that whether this natural salycilate content in the foods, is sufficient on its own to treat the headaches of the patients, if not then how much more quantity of salicylate apart from the one that we get naturally from foods, is needed to treat the headaches of an average citizen of Mentia. He should also provide some data reporting the total content of salicylates present in the preservated foods. This data can be helpful to know that whether the preservated foods really contain salicylates in sufficient amount to treat headaches and thus can be linked to the trend of decrease in reported headaches. Also, author does not provide any data about the sales of aspirin that is medically used to treat headaches. Because, if the sales of the aspirin drug has raised, it means that more aspirin is consumed by the citizens than before and thus, reduced number of cases of headaches is a result of the increased consumption of apirin and not the salicylates in the preserved foods. And thus to expect continued decline in number of reports of headaches is not logical. Also, even if Salicylate is assumed to be responsible for reduction in reports of headaches, it is wrong to assume that this trend will continue in future. Author cites that recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavour additives and thus it is reasonable to expect decline in reported number of headaches in city of Mentia as now companies will increase use of Salicylates in their products. But author fails to give any evidence that food-companies are actually willing to produce foods with salicylates as flavour additives and increased amount of Salicylate present in the foods will actually be more effective. Because it is quite reasonable that companies think that, as they already are using salicylates as a preservative in foods, there is no further need to add more salycylates to the foods, as the existing amount of salicylates is functioning both as a preservative and also as a flavour additive. Hence, author needs to cite some examples of products which companies might actually produce in near future, containing increased amount of Salicylates. Hence, author needs to provide a lot of relevent data reporting some important information to come to a solid conclusion. Also, he needs to provide some examples of products which will be launched by companies which contain more salicylates. But, as such authors argument is flawed and lack sufficient evidence to be more persuasive.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the argument predicts continued steady decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
suffered by the average citizen of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentia
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
while extrapolating his conclusion based on mentioned factors in his argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has
Use past participle here: "forgotten".
forgot
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
vital evidence needed for his prediction to be true. He has based his conclusion without considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
variables that affect the strength of his argument.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
correlates the finding of his study with increase in commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. While developing this logic, he mentions that
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
. He
also
mentions that
naturally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are already rich in the content of
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
.
Hence
, he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
information that whether this natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
salycilate
content in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, is sufficient on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
of the patients, if not then how much more quantity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylate
apart from the one that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
naturally
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
is needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
of an average citizen of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentia
. He should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
reporting the total content of
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
present in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preservated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can be helpful to know that whether the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preservated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
really
contain
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
in sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
can
be linked
to the trend of decrease in reported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
about the sales of aspirin
that is
medically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if the sales of the aspirin drug has raised, it means that more aspirin
is consumed
by the citizens than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
is a result of the increased consumption of
Possible spelling mistake found.
apirin
and not the
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
in the preserved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
continued decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of reports of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
is not logical.

Also
, even if
Possible spelling mistake found.
Salicylate
is assumed
to be responsible for reduction in reports of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to assume that this trend will continue
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Author
cites that recently, food-processing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have found that
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
additives and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
decline in reported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
headaches
in city of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentia
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Salicylates
in their products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
fails to give any evidence that food-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are actually willing to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
additives and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Salicylate
present in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will actually be more effective.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is quite reasonable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, as they already are using
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
as a preservative in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, there is no
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
salycylates
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, as the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
is functioning both as a preservative and
also
as a
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
additive.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to cite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples of products which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might actually produce in near future, containing increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Salicylates
.

Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
relevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
reporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a solid conclusion.
Also
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples of products which will
be launched
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which contain more
Possible spelling mistake found.
salicylates
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authors
argument
is flawed
and lack sufficient evidence to be more persuasive.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. " Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, f

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
532 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia."Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, f