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The following editorial appeared in the Lamont Times newspaper During last year s election only 35 percent of people living in Lamont voted whereas in the nearby affluent town of Chiswick that number was 75 percent In a recent survey of young adults over

The following editorial appeared in the Lamont Times newspaper During last year s election only 35 percent of people living in Lamont voted whereas in the nearby affluent town of Chiswick that number was 75 percent In a recent survey of young adults over YLm7m
The author of report has alleged that there is a direct relation between the percentage of checking social media and the percentage of voted people in an area. The argument provide some evidence and reasons for its reasoning which look cogent at the firat galnce, bt when we delve deepre into its reasoning, we could find several assumptions and holes. If all of which could be challenges could falls apart the argument. Thus, I could not accept the argument as it is for three reason and the writer should provide more persuasive information to make the argument more defencable. First of all, the author compares the percentages of people who are checking social media from their mobile divices but he did not consider the number of people that may check social media from laptops or pc. As he said Chiswick is affluent town, it is possible that they have more modern mobile devices that have ability to check social media. But the other city, Lamont, may their people have not modern divices and some of them have to check their social media from their pc. If this is the case, the author should provide additional inforamtion about other people who use pc or other devices for checking social media. Moreover, even if we accept the statement about checking social media, again we could not accept the argument because he just considered young adults and ignore other part of the society. Different cities have different age range that may involve in the election with different rate and consequently may affect on the thotal percentage of voting. If this is the case, author should consdier other age range in hs study and they also may use different media for awaring of current political and social news. In order to justify the argument, the author should clearly study different age ranges and different ways that may use to gain news. Finally, the author faulty assumes that all people use social media for getting political news and soical event while it could not be fallacious. For instance people may use it for connceting with their friends and making date or like that. The author did not conside about othe rpossible usages of social media. In order to make the argument more persuasive, the author should conduct a survey on scientific conditions that could consider all of the possible events and eliminate the outier possiblities. Then, readers would accept the argument more easily. To sum up, although the conclusion of the argument may correct, the author could not provide adequate inforamtion to persuade the readers. In order to justify the argume
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of report has alleged that there is a direct relation between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of voted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "provides".
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence and reasons for its reasoning which look cogent at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
firat
Possible spelling mistake found.
galnce
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bt
when we delve
Possible spelling mistake found.
deepre
into its reasoning, we could find several assumptions and holes.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
all of which could be challenges could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "fall"
falls
apart the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
.
Thus
, I could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
as it is for three reason and the writer should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
more persuasive information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
defencable
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from their mobile divices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did not consider the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from laptops or
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
. As he said
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chiswick
is affluent town, it is possible that they have more modern mobile devices that have ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
city, Lamont, may their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
divices
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
. If this is the case, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
additional
Possible spelling mistake found.
inforamtion
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
devices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

Moreover
, even if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the statement about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, again we could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
considered young adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
part of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
cities have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
age range that may involve in the election with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
rate and
consequently
may
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
thotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of voting. If this is the case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
consdier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
age range in
Possible spelling mistake found.
hs
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they
also
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
awaring
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
news. In order to justify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
clearly
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
age ranges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to gain news.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
faulty assumes that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for getting political news and
Possible spelling mistake found.
soical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
while it could not be fallacious.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
Possible spelling mistake found.
connceting
with their friends and making date or like that. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
did not
Possible spelling mistake found.
conside
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
othe rpossible
usages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
more persuasive, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should conduct a survey on scientific conditions that could consider
Consider using "all the".
all of the
possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and eliminate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
outier
Possible spelling mistake found.
possiblities
. Then, readers would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
more
easily
.

To sum up, although the conclusion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
may correct, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
adequate
Possible spelling mistake found.
inforamtion
to persuade the readers. In order to justify the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
argume
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IELTS essay The following editorial appeared in the Lamont Times newspaper During last year s election only 35 percent of people living in Lamont voted whereas in the nearby affluent town of Chiswick that number was 75 percent In a recent survey of young adults over

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
435 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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