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Statistics gathered over the past three decades show that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs than among those with regular employment. Unemployment, just like heart disease and cancer, is a significant health issue. While many healt

Statistics gathered over the past three decades show that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs than among those with regular employment. Unemployment, just like heart disease and cancer, is a significant health issue. While many healt MMwAk
The originator of this argument concludes that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs compare to those who have regular employment, rests weakly on these three assumptions. First, the author had hyphened a robust relation between such deleterious diseases such as cancer or heart diseases with unemployment which is basically questionable. Second, the originator mentioned that, if government increase the budgets for public healthcare and medical research, it would consequence in declining economics prospects. Finally, denying what are the harmful effects of employment in modern eras completely is another fallacious hypothesizes for reaching to that conclusion. Clearly, ratiocinating a conclusion has needed strong reasons that had been accepted logistically. Moreover, for correlating disparate subjects and facts, we need reasons that we could accede them rationally. The author waned the probability of accepting the promulgated issue, unemployment is a significant health issue just like cancer and heart disease, by not giving sufficient testimonies and substantiated surveys for concurring that generally. Hence, linking two different issues without any given reasons put this premise under the vacillate of the reader. The other assumption made by the author to arrive at the conclusion is the wrong perception that spending monies and resources on health care would conclude to abasement of economy. For instance, we have seen a health program that ran by the government of Iran recently, which is calling " Rouhani care" that the denomination adduced from the president’s name, has shown significant success by achieving a comprehensive insurance ability for all of the people from different castes in Iran which is flexible and adaptable with different revenues. This program has enhanced both health condition and economic prosper for whole country. Regarding to, argument relies on this assumption that unemployment would definitely harms the health condition genuinely. Without notifying the fact that, what are the detrimental effects of employment and job circulations on demotic health? Albeit, it had been seen such diseases like obesity, heart problems and numerous other ailments that were the consequences of erroneous behavior while working. Thus, not declaring those efficacious behaviors that is producing by employment is weakening the conclusion too. In sum, the author of this argument relies heavily on its assumptions, perhaps too heavily, which has made us to question the validity of the conclusion. For strengthening the argument, the originator should involve other testimonies and more powerful reasons and surveys that caused him to reach the conclusion, with eliminating wrong perceptions that were mentioned earlier.
The originator of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
concludes that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs compare to those who have regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
, rests
weakly
on these three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
had hyphened a robust relation between such deleterious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancer or heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
with unemployment which is
basically
questionable. Second, the originator mentioned that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
increase the budgets for public healthcare and medical research, it
The word 'consequence' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
would consequence
in declining economics prospects.
Finally
, denying what are the harmful effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in modern eras completely is another fallacious hypothesizes for reaching to that conclusion.

Clearly
, ratiocinating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
has needed strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
logistically
.
Moreover
, for correlating disparate subjects and facts, we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that we could accede them
rationally
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
waned the probability of accepting the promulgated issue, unemployment is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like cancer and heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, by not giving sufficient testimonies and substantiated surveys for concurring that
generally
.
Hence
, linking two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
put this premise under
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'vacillate' is correct. If 'vacillate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the vacillate
of the reader.

The other
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assumption
made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
to arrive at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
perception that spending monies and resources on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care would conclude to abasement of economy.
For instance
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
program that ran by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Iran recently, which is calling
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rouhani
Possible spelling mistake found.
care&quot
; that the denomination adduced from the president’s name, has shown significant success by achieving a comprehensive insurance ability for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
castes in Iran which is flexible and adaptable with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
revenues. This program has enhanced both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition and economic prosper for whole country.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
,
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argument
relies on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
that unemployment would definitely
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "harm"
harms
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition
genuinely
. Without notifying the fact that, what are the detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and job circulations on demotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
? Albeit, it had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like obesity, heart problems and numerous other ailments that were the consequences of erroneous behavior while working.
Thus
, not declaring those efficacious behaviors
that is
producing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
is weakening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
too.

In sum, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
relies
heavily
on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
, perhaps too
heavily
, which has made us to question the validity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
. For strengthening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, the originator should involve other testimonies and more powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and surveys that caused him to reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
, with eliminating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
perceptions that
were mentioned
earlier.
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IELTS essay Statistics gathered over the past three decades show that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs than among those with regular employment. Unemployment, just like heart disease and cancer, is a significant health issue. While many healt

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
414 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Statistics gathered over the past three decades show that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs than among those with regular employment. Unemployment, just like heart disease and cancer, is a significant health issue. While many healt