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A memorandum from a researcher of Metro Motorcycles: The advertisement budget spent on social media websites has no effect on sales. A costumer survey shows that 90% of the participants said they never purchase the product because of the advertisements on

A memorandum from a researcher of Metro Motorcycles: The advertisement budget spent on social media websites has no effect on sales. A costumer survey shows that 90% of the participants said they never purchase the product because of the advertisements on doDME
This argument claims that Metro Motocycles should invest more budget on TV and radio advertising than on social networking website advertising. One evidence cited to support this conclusion is a survey showing that 90% of the participants claims that they never purchase the product because of the advertisement on the social media network. Another evidence cited is that the company’s sales of motocycles increased a year after the company advertised its product on TV and radio in Metro city. I don’t agree with this argument, however, because of following reasons: First of all, the survey conducted among the customers is not convincing enough to prove the effectiveness of social media advertising. The author only mentioned the percentage of participants who said they would never refer to the advertisements on social media to purchase a product, but did not clarify who were the targets of this survey and how many people was participating in this survey. If the most participants of this survey are old people, it is not surprising that the advertisement on the social media is not attractive to them because they are not as likely as young people to spend spare time on social media. Also, if the total number of participants is only few hundreds or even less, this survey should not be considered a good indicator as the target customers of Metro Motocycles are thousands. Moreover, the author readily assumes that the advertising on TV and radio is more effective than the advertising on social media because the company encounters increase in sales right after they implemented the advertisement on TV and radio. Yet a lot of other factors should be also taken into consideration. It could be possible that the motocycle company has run some promotion campaign during this year, so that more customers are attracted by the good promotions, but not by the advertising on TV or radio. Another reason could be that the main competitor of this company has run out of business recently so the customers have no other choice to purchase the motocycles. In sum, it would be imprudent for Metro motocycle to invest more money on TV and radio advertising rather than social media advertising with the evidence provided. To make proper conclusion, the author would have to provide more convincing evidence to prove that the recent increased sales of the company is solely attributed by the advertising on TV and radio.
This argument claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Metro
Possible spelling mistake found.
Motocycles
should invest more budget on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
advertising than on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking website advertising. One
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evidence
cited to support this conclusion is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
showing that 90% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
claims that they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
network. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
cited is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
sales of
Possible spelling mistake found.
motocycles
increased a year after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
advertised its product on TV and
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radio
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Metro
city. I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
conducted among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
is not convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to prove the effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
advertising. The author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mentioned the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
who said they would never refer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did not clarify who were the targets of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was participating in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
. If the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is not surprising that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is not attractive to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not as likely as young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend spare time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Also
, if the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few hundreds or even less, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
should not
be considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
indicator as the target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Metro
Possible spelling mistake found.
Motocycles
are thousands.

Moreover
, the author
readily
assumes that the advertising on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
is more effective than the advertising on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
encounters increase in sales right after they implemented the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
.
Yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other factors should be
also
taken into consideration. It could be possible that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
motocycle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "promotions"?
promotion
campaign during this year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are attracted
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
promotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not by the advertising on TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
. Another reason could be that the main competitor of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has run out of business recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
have no other choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
motocycles
.

In sum, it would be imprudent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Metro
Possible spelling mistake found.
motocycle
to invest more money on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
advertising
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
advertising with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
provided. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper conclusion, the author would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide more convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
to prove that the recent increased sales of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
solely
attributed by the advertising on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
.
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IELTS essay A memorandum from a researcher of Metro Motorcycles: The advertisement budget spent on social media websites has no effect on sales. A costumer survey shows that 90% of the participants said they never purchase the product because of the advertisements on

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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