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the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v.1

the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v. 1
It has been an ongoing debatable topic, whereas some people perceive that parents should involve their child in some tasks that must be completed by a group of people during their free time. However, others think that a juvenile can develop themselves and would participate in a team of their own. The essay will discuss my stance followed by arguments in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the foremost reason for parents to force their child to take part in group is that they know their child skills and provide them a correct path. Having experience of life, they can guide their child. Although, during the learning stage of life a child were not mature enough, this monitoring will help to inculcate new skills which would be helpful in the later future. Moreover, parents can also give them information about an opportunity they have by describing a various group task. Even sometimes they were also them to solve the problems. For example, if a child having an issue with any team player then parents can suggest them a correct path and how to deal in that situation also teach them. On the other hand, others perceive that a child must develop their skills by becoming Allrounder. This will help them to be a part of any team. As most of the team wants to acquire a member having good quality of capability to complete this task. Furthermore, a child having these abilities can easily achieve success in later life because a teenager has grown in the atmosphere which forces them to handle any situation by their own. For instance, a person who works in any community activity would be able to handle any financial crises occur in their personal life. In conclusion, Although, parents play a crucial role in the development of the child as they providing the guidance and knowledge about a various group activities can achieve their goal easily, the child is able to take part in any one then easily survive in later life. As per my opinion, this will depend own individual nature that they want to follow their parents or their own choice.
It has been an ongoing debatable topic, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should involve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be completed
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during their free time.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a juvenile can develop themselves and would participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The essay will discuss my stance followed by arguments in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is that they know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and provide them a correct path.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they can guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Although, during the learning stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
were not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, this monitoring will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to inculcate new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which would be helpful in the later future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
also
give them information about an opportunity they have by describing a various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
task. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they were
also
them to solve the problems.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an issue with any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
player then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can suggest them a correct path and how to deal in that situation
also
teach them.

On the other hand
, others perceive that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by becoming
Possible spelling mistake found.
Allrounder
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be a part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
wants to acquire a member
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of capability to complete this task.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
these abilities can
easily
achieve success in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
has grown in the atmosphere which forces them to handle any situation by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, a person who works in any community activity would be able to handle any financial crises occur in their personal life.

In conclusion
, Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as
Did you mean "they're providing", "they are providing", or "they were providing"?
they providing
the guidance and knowledge about a various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "activity"?
activities
can achieve their goal
easily
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any one then
easily
survive in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As per my opinion, this will
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual nature that they want to follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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