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The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian a company that manufactures men s clothing Five years ago at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric we discontinued production of

The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian a company that manufactures men s clothing Five years ago at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric we discontinued production of Lr3N1
It is stated in the memo that, due to scarcity of high quality wool fabric five years ago production of alpaca overcoat was stopped. Vice president of Sartorian Company wants to continue production as they have abandon supply of good quality fabric. Additionally, he support his argument by stating that, as we have not made alpaca overcoat for five year our major competitor no longer make these overcoats and by doing so we can gain large profit. However, before considering this advice some question must be answer. Firstly, how many people like to wear overcoat these days? Or has fashioned of overcoat outdated in this five years? If, these day’s people are not wearing overcoat then it is blatant that company will not gain any profit. As the fashioned changed everyday people may think that wearing an overcoat is outdated fashioned if this is true then it is plausible that people will not buy overcoat. Fashion plays important parts in people’s life because it shows wither you are with time or running behind the time and no one like to run behind the time. If this happens to be true then making overcoats will lead to strong debacle and company may go into loss. By seeing this possibility advice made by vice precedent in the memo does not hold any water. Secondly, how many people like to carry big overcoat? As, overcoat is big in size many people don’t like to carry that overcoat all around. Caring an overcoat around may restrict the movement of people because those who are in hurry may find very difficult to walk fast or run wearing an overcoat in this case people will not like to wear an overcoat. Now a day’s world is moving towards to compact things people want more compact products so they can carry everywhere easily. By seeing this mentality of people idea of continuing of making overcoat is attenuated in this generation. Finally, why people will like to buy costly overcoat? Or why people will invest their money in such an expansive overcoat? As the price of clothing has touched a sky and it’s blatant that overcoat required more fabric than normal clothing which make it much more expansive than normal clothing and by seeing the scenario there will be few customer who will like to buy this overcoat and many people will ignore the overcoat. If this happens to be true then it’s blatant that company will not make profit and in the worst case this idea may exacerbate and company may land into huge loss. In conclusion, the evidence provided in the memo, that supports his claim, is dubious as well as erroneous. However, if all questions are answer and more evidence is provided then it will strengthen the argument.
It
is stated
in the memo that, due to scarcity of high quality wool fabric five years ago production of alpaca
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. Vice president of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sartorian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
wants to continue production as they have abandon supply of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality fabric.
Additionally
, he support his argument by stating that, as we have not made alpaca
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
for five year our major competitor no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoats
and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can gain large profit.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
considering this advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
question
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using a past participle here: "answered".
answer
.

Firstly
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
these days? Or has fashioned of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
outdated in this five years? If,
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
then it is blatant that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will not gain any profit. As the fashioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that wearing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
is outdated
fashioned if this is true then it is plausible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
. Fashion plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
wither you are with time or running behind the time and no one like to run behind the time. If this happens to be true then making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoats
will lead to strong debacle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may go into loss. By seeing this possibility advice made by vice precedent in the memo does not hold any water.

Secondly
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
?
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
is
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
big in size
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t like to carry that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
all around. Caring an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
around may restrict the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who are in hurry may find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to walk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
or run wearing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not like to wear an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day’s world is moving towards to compact things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want more compact products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can carry everywhere
easily
. By seeing this mentality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of continuing of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
is attenuated
in this generation.

Finally
, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
? Or why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will invest their money in such an expansive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
? As the price of clothing has touched a sky and it’s blatant that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
required more fabric than normal clothing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it much more expansive than normal clothing and by seeing the scenario there will be
Possible agreement error. The noun customer seems to be countable; consider using: "few customers".
few customer
who will like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcoat
. If this happens to be true then it’s blatant that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit and in the worst case this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may exacerbate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may land into huge loss.

In conclusion
, the evidence provided in the memo, that supports his claim, is dubious
as well
as erroneous.
However
, if all questions are answer and more evidence
is provided
then it will strengthen the argument.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian a company that manufactures men s clothing Five years ago at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric we discontinued production of

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
463 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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