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The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v.1

The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v. 1
Abusing drugs amidst youngsters, in these days, has become a commonplace. Compared to the past, younger generation is more aware of the illegal medicine. While this is implicated in a set of conspicuous causes, I am convinced that juvenile drug abuse can be tackled with the collaborative efforts of the government and parents of these young perpetrators. Admittedly, misapplying illegal medication amongst youngsters can be ascribed to family problems and the Internet. Family bonding, initially, has virtually disappeared on a global scale compared to the past, which in turn has led to the absence of parental control over the youngsters. Once family members lack close-knit relationship, teenagers are highly vulnerable to use, to illustrate, tobacco or other drugs. Another point to consider, since youngsters are the regular users of the Internet, this has inflicted a negative impact on them, as a result of which online drug advertisement has emerged extensively. For instance, youngsters whilst surfing on the Internet can be interested in adverts of these illegal medicines. Hence, two factors why teenagers are misusing drugs can be taken into consideration. Nevertheless, the government and parents would possibly be the most effective solution to prevent juveniles being the victims of prohibited drugs. First of all, had the governmental control under the export and/or import of these prohibited medicines been put, youngsters would not have exploited these drugs. In this light, the authorities should implement a law inhibiting even the output of these drugs by inspecting drug companies. Following this, parents are to concern the interests of their children so that they would not get involved in exploiting these drugs. If parents provide them with guidance and clear rules about neither drinking alcohol nor using drugs, youngsters would be conscious of the detrimental consequences of these illegal drugs. Thus, teenagers would escape from drug addiction, given the parental and governmental assistance. In conclusion, although several factors have been contributing to the increase in the number of youngsters abusing drugs, I admit that the state and parents can mitigate this pressing dilemma.
Abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
amidst youngsters, in these days, has become a commonplace. Compared to the past, younger generation is more aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
medicine. While this
is implicated
in a set of conspicuous causes, I
am convinced
that juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse can
be tackled
with the collaborative efforts of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of these young perpetrators.

Admittedly
, misapplying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
medication amongst youngsters can
be ascribed
to family problems and the Internet. Family bonding,
initially
, has
virtually
disappeared on a global scale compared to the past, which in turn has led to the absence of parental control over the youngsters. Once family members lack close-knit relationship,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
highly
vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, to illustrate, tobacco or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. Another point to consider, since youngsters are the regular users of the Internet, this has inflicted a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them,
as a result
of which online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
advertisement has emerged
extensively
.
For instance
, youngsters whilst surfing on the Internet can
be interested
in adverts of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
medicines.
Hence
, two factors why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are misusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
can
be taken
into consideration.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
possibly
be the most effective solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
juveniles being the victims of prohibited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, had the governmental control under the export and/or import of these prohibited medicines
been put
, youngsters would not have exploited these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. In this light, the authorities should implement a law inhibiting even the output of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
by inspecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Following this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are to concern the interests of their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in exploiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide them with guidance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about neither drinking alcohol nor using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, youngsters would be conscious of the detrimental consequences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would escape from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the parental and governmental assistance.

In conclusion
, although several factors have been contributing to the increase in the number of youngsters abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, I admit that the state and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can mitigate this pressing dilemma.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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