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The first thing I did was to be a part of the world and the other is a great way to get the best out of the way and I.

The first thing I did was to be a part of the world and the other is a great way to get the best out of the way and I. ndVw7
Nowadays, hobby is becoming a type of recreational activity. More than a few folks insist that hobby needs to be more adventurous rather than only get enjoyment. A partially agree with the given notion and the reason for my stand will be analysed further. To commence with, these days people prefer effortless hobbies such as swimming, drawing because they want to acquire pleasure out of the working and stressful environment. Moreover, they prefer this hobby to relax their body and mind. For example, swimming, in which person does not require any special types of equipment only swimming pool is needed, so that individual tend to prefer this type of hobby rather than challenging one. Therefore, hobby is being simple, so that numerous individuals learn it. On the other hand, several individuals prefer demanding activities as a hobby because they want to push their limits and receive deep knowledge of it. In other words, many mankind reckons that hard hobby is a way to enhance their knowledge and develop skill. For instance, photography, some youngsters are developing it as a hobby due to it is demanding and it needs a lot of time to become a professional photographer. Hence, a lot of hobbies are needed to be challenging to order to obtain sufficient knowledge. To conclude, although masses choose effortless hobbies to feel rejuvenated and relax, some people also find a difficult hobby to feel pleasure and happiness.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is becoming a type of recreational activity. More than a few folks insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
needs to be more adventurous
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enjoyment. A
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion and the reason for my stand will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
further
.

To commence with, these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
effortless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as swimming, drawing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to acquire pleasure out of the working and stressful environment.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to relax their body and mind.
For example
, swimming, in which person does not require any special types of equipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
swimming pool
is needed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
The verb 'tend' is plural. Did you mean: "that individual tends"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that individual tend
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
rather
than challenging one.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is being simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that numerous individuals learn it.

On the other hand
, several individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
demanding activities as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to push their limits and receive deep knowledge of it.
In other words
,
Possible agreement error. The noun mankind seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much mankind", "a good deal of mankind".
many mankind
reckons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is a way to enhance their knowledge and develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For instance
, photography,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters are developing it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
due to it is demanding and it needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to become a professional photographer.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are needed
to be challenging
Did you mean "ordering"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to order
Did you mean "obtaining"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'order' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to obtain
sufficient knowledge.

To conclude
, although masses choose effortless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
to feel rejuvenated and relax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
find a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to feel pleasure and happiness.
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IELTS essay The first thing I did was to be a part of the world and the other is a great way to get the best out of the way and I.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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