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Tell about the memory that you never forget

Tell about the memory that you never forget VErkK
That was the first time I made a short film by myself that it happened 1 year ago. Every year, my sister wants all student in her English center to prepare about Tet greetings and then I make it to be a video and put it on social media in New Year. However in this year, when I recorded the student's greetings, my sister wanted to make something new so I want to make a short film. I didn't have any experience with that but I want to try my best. I spend 2 weeks recording and editing. For me, the first short film gives me several experiences and I want in the future I will more short films better.
That was the
first
time I made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
film by myself that it happened 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
ago. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, my sister
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
all student in her English center to prepare about Tet greetings and then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it to be a video and put it on social media in New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Year
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, when I recorded the student's greetings, my sister wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
film. I didn't have any experience with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to try my best. I spend 2 weeks recording and editing. For me, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
film gives me several experiences and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
in the future I will more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
films better.
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IELTS essay Tell about the memory that you never forget

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
120 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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