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The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

*Discovering the space is a great invention for human beings. Nevertheless it has had few effects in lifestyles. In my opinion, although discovering space is a great invention, people's incomes is not influenced by the space exploration and technologies. * *Many industries such as mechanics, electronics, and so on are assembled in a high tech instrument namely spacecraft, so, every country having this high-tech technology can develop it's industry more and earn more money by selling facilities and services. It is argued that science brings out welfare. * *Astronomical science is very specific feild and few people are dealt with space survey. Most people have regular jobs which are not related to space exploration or very state of the art technologies. Having said that welfare is related to relationships of countries, trade, war, and other resources which have direct effects on the people's life. * *In conclusion, space exploration is an achievement for human, thereby has it's effects on the societies. *
*Discovering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is a great invention for human beings.
Nevertheless
it has had few effects in lifestyles. In my opinion, although discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is a great invention,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's incomes is not influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration and technologies. *

*
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
industries such as mechanics, electronics, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
are assembled
in a high tech instrument
namely
spacecraft,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, every country having this high-tech technology can develop it's industry more and earn more money by selling facilities and services. It
is argued
that science brings out welfare. *

*Astronomical science is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
specific feild and few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dealt
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
survey. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have regular jobs which are not related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
state of the art technologies. Having said that welfare
is related
to relationships of countries, trade, war, and other resources which have direct effects on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. *

*
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is an achievement for human, thereby has it's effects on the societies. *

IELTS essay The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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