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There is no doubt that regular physical exercise is vital for everyone.

There is no doubt that regular physical exercise is vital for everyone. While it is argued that ensuring the physical fitness of children is the sole responsibility of parents, I partially disagree with this point and insist that it is the joint responsibility of parents and schools. I will elucidate the reasons in the subsequent paragraphs. Those who opine that the onus is on parents to ensure the fitness of their children believe that they are completely responsible for raising them and for their holistic development. This is because juveniles can be supervised by their parents in a facile manner unlike at schools where it is not possible to provide individual attention to each student. For instance, if a child is interested in any type of sports such as cricket, parents play crucial role in encouraging their child and ensuring that his interest is pursued. As a result, children will feel motivated to follow their passion and be physically fit. On the other hand, in my view, schools should include / provide sports coaching as part of syllabus because it will imbibe competitive attitude in students not only for sports but also for other subjects. Besides, it will help them learn team management skills at a young age and it will be advantageous for them in long run. For instance, sports day in schools creates huge excitement among pupils because they compete with one another and prove their mettle. Moreover, it is seen that physically fit students often perform better in studies because they are mentally fit as well due to regular exercise at schools. In conclusion, although it is undeniable that parents are responsible for their children’s physical development, in my view, it is the combined responsibility of the parents and the schoo
There is no doubt that regular physical exercise is vital for everyone. While it
is argued
that ensuring the physical fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the sole responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I
partially
disagree with this point and insist that it is the joint responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I will elucidate the reasons in the subsequent paragraphs.

Those who opine that the onus is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to ensure the fitness of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe that they are completely responsible for raising them and for their holistic development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
juveniles can
be supervised
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a facile manner unlike at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where it is not possible to provide individual attention to each student.
For instance
, if a child
is interested
in any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as cricket,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play crucial role in encouraging their child and ensuring that his interest
is pursued
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will feel motivated to follow their passion and be
physically
fit.

On the other hand
, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should include / provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
coaching as part of syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will imbibe competitive attitude in students not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for other subjects.
Besides
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn team management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at a young age and it will be advantageous for them in long run.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
creates huge excitement among pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they compete with one another and prove their mettle.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
physically
fit students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
perform better in studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are mentally fit
as well
due to regular exercise at schools.

In conclusion
, although it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical development, in my view, it is the combined responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the schoo

IELTS essay There is no doubt that regular physical exercise is vital for everyone.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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