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The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. GboB
After a first landing on the moon, a person who made this said that it is a giant contribution to the future development of humanity, despite this speech for a major part of people changed nearly nothing in their lifestyle. I agree that no difference was brought for many individuals, and money could be spent for the county’s needs, however, significant improvement of the space exploration is worthier than drawbacks. On the one hand, the government spent a lot of payment on the air and for training just one person, instead of dealing with its problems. That cash could be spent to deal with natural disasters such as flooding, earthquake, or wildfire, moreover, some people who are suffering from home and food absence might be adopted instead. For example, in the USA, every year constructing and testing rockets, unfortunately, more than half of them are faulty due to improper materials or wrong engineer‘s calculation, hence, all expenses were wasted. In addition, it would be helpful if the state has been spent fund on recovering the city after the wildfire. On the other hand, without the first man in space, mankind wouldn’t acquire the knowledge about it. In other words, after man landed on the moon, scientists were given a vast amount of information not only about Earth’s satellite but the University in general. In addition, new calculating devices and telescopes for planet exploration were developed. To illustrate, nowadays, NASA has a valuable project related to Mars researching such as a surface structure, water availability, and air quality. If the result would be good enough, humanity might resettle. In conclusion, despite a small contribution to people’s lives, the first landing on the moon has a big investment for humanity. I agree that it’s quite expensive to build rockets and exercise cosmonaut, however, results about the space certainly worth it.
After a
first
landing on the moon, a person who made this said that it is a giant contribution to the future development of humanity, despite this speech for a major part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
nearly
nothing in their lifestyle. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that no difference
was brought
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, and money could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
for the county’s needs,
however
, significant improvement of the space exploration is worthier than drawbacks.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
payment on the air and for training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one person,
instead
of dealing with its problems. That cash could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
to deal with natural disasters such as flooding, earthquake, or wildfire,
moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are suffering from home and food absence might
be adopted
instead
.
For example
, in the USA, every year constructing and testing rockets, unfortunately, more than half of them are faulty due to improper materials or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
engineer‘s calculation,
hence
, all expenses
were wasted
.
In addition
, it would be helpful if the state has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
fund on recovering the city after the wildfire.

On the other hand
, without the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in space, mankind wouldn’t acquire the knowledge about it.
In other words
, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
landed on the moon, scientists were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a vast amount of information not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about Earth’s satellite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the University
in general
.
In addition
, new calculating devices and telescopes for planet exploration
were developed
. To illustrate, nowadays, NASA has a valuable project related to Mars researching such as a surface structure, water availability, and air quality. If the result
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, humanity might resettle.

In conclusion
, despite a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
contribution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the
first
landing on the moon has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
investment for humanity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it’s quite expensive to build rockets and exercise cosmonaut,
however
, results about the space
certainly
worth it.
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IELTS essay The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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