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Many people believe that increasing level of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples

Many people believe that increasing level of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples M5Eo
It is often observed that people have different views regarding increase of violence among societies, it is owing to watching television and movies. However, others opine it is directly connected with issues of not having job or business. While there are more reasons behind crimes in societies, I believe that influence of bad visual content on media creates more problems. There are many reasons why watching television and films spread more violence. The first and foremost, nowadays television shows different programs related to crime in order to get more views. In other words, if they provide thrills on media, many teenagers get lure directly because of different contents. As a result, they get influenced badly and try these things in their own life. For example, most of the offenders reveled that they learnt criminal techniques from movies and bad videos from media. Thus, levels of violence not only increase in society, but also rise among the younger generation. However, other enormous issues link to crimes is unemployment in the society. In other words, many of times aspirants graduate from recognition college every year, but they never get basic job. It is due to lack of vacancies in the working bodies. For example, last year in India only 40 percent of graduate received the work, however others are still struggling. Hence, this not only effect on individuals, but also on society as criminal activities. Finally, I would argue that although unemployment also big concern on creating crimes, the major influence may be of mass media which not only change mindset of people, but also drag them into perform bad activities. In conclusion, most cases violence on society arise because of offensive program on media and not having any way of adequate earning.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, it is owing to
Did you mean "watch"?
watching
television and movies.
However
, others opine it is
directly
connected with issues of not having job or business. While there are more reasons behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, I believe that influence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
visual content on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
creates more problems.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why watching television and films spread more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. The
first
and foremost, nowadays television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more views. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if they provide thrills on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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teenagers
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get
lure
directly
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because
of
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different
contents.
As a result
, they
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get
influenced
badly
and try these things in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
For example
, most of the offenders reveled that they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
criminal techniques from movies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
videos from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Thus
, levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
rise among the younger generation.

However
,
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other
enormous issues link to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is unemployment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of times aspirants graduate from recognition college every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
basic job. It is due to lack of vacancies in the working bodies.
For example
, last year in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
40 percent of graduate received the work,
however
others are
still
struggling.
Hence
, this not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as criminal activities.

Finally
, I would argue that although unemployment
also
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big
concern on creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, the major influence may be of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
mindset of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
drag them into perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities.

In conclusion
, most cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
arise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of offensive program on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and not having any way of adequate earning.

IELTS essay Many people believe that increasing level of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Many people believe that increasing level of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples