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Children prefer more electronic games than others games.why it is happening.is it positive or negative trend

Children prefer more electronic games than others games. why it is happening. is it positive or negative trend mnDn
Due to advancement of technology, there are various technical gadgets available in markets. Today, children take more interest in those games which are operated electronic. I beleive, if this trend is continuously followed then it may put negative impact on them. This essay will explain what are the causes of it along with drwabacks in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the predominant reason behind why teenagers prefer electronic games rather than others games is that many new technical ideas are used in new games which make them more interesting and unique than other activities. New generation are active amd smart and they choose these games for entertainment. For example, one game which is very popular all over the world that is the candy crush. Every child plays it because it has attractive layout, different levels and also convenient for everyone. Hence, children choose such kinds of games more. On the other hand, this approach also has som drwabacks. First of all, if young people spend more time on these games then theyay suffer from health issues as these games require less physical movement. Due to lack of physical activity, they can suffer from overweight, eye sight problems. For instance, it can be seen more children face the problem of obesity and even some kids loss their life due to this. Besides it, children are builder of nation. When they busy in video games then it definitely affect on development of country. The hostile development of nation would effect by this trend. Therefore, these games are some negative impact on the health of children amd nation. In conclusion, no doubt, new electronic games are more attractive and more beneficial. However, it should be used in limited time so that it does not have negative effect on human being.
Due to advancement of technology, there are various technical gadgets available in markets.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take more interest in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are operated
electronic. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleive
, if this trend is
continuously
followed then it may put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what are the causes of it along with
Possible spelling mistake found.
drwabacks
in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, the predominant reason behind why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more interesting and unique than other activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
generation are active
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smart and
they choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for entertainment.
For example
, one game which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular all over the world
that is
the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
candy crush
. Every child plays it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has attractive layout,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels and
also
convenient for everyone.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more.

On the other hand
, this approach
also
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
som
Possible spelling mistake found.
drwabacks
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend more time on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
then
Possible spelling mistake found.
theyay
suffer from health issues as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require less physical movement. Due to lack of physical activity, they can suffer from overweight,
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
problems.
For instance
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face the problem of obesity and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "kids'" or "kid's"?
kids
loss their life due to this.
Besides
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are builder of nation.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they busy in video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
then it definitely
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on development of country. The hostile development of nation would
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
by this trend.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
nation.

In conclusion
, no doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more attractive and more beneficial.
However
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in limited time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on human being.

IELTS essay Children prefer more electronic games than others games. why it is happening. is it positive or negative trend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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