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The first car appeared On British roads in 1888 by the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 Millions vehicles on british Roads. Alternative forms of Transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v.1

The first car appeared On British roads in 1888 by the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 Millions vehicles on british Roads. Alternative forms of Transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 1
In today's volatile world, producing transportation is a widespread phenomenon inevitably and the majority of people who intend to drive cars are increasing. For example, in Great Britain there are as many as 29 million cars and it causes much traffic, so that some consider that international laws introduce to control ownership and use. Despite the severity of the problem I think this is quite wrong. Increasing the number of cars do not cause to introduce International Laws. First, increasing the percentage of cars is so useful to budget of the country. Every day, many people drive their cars to work and at Road many traffics are emanated. If the country expands the roads instead of introducing international laws, this is the best way to decrease the traffic. Another important point is that not introduced international laws to control cars. This fact is clear, almost all countries the subway was built to economize Fields. If the country can broaden the stations of Subway, many people use local transport, which is metro instead of cars. On the other hand, I do understand the point of view of those who say drastic action is needed. If the government introduced the international laws, it will cause to increase the cost of penalties and the local nation suffer to pay them. Taking all things into consideration, I would tend to mention that increasing the level of transportation, do not choose to introduce international laws instead of that the government expand the road, they build some Subway stations
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's volatile world, producing transportation is a widespread phenomenon
inevitably
and the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who intend to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
.
For example
, in Great Britain there are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 29 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and it causes much traffic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
introduce to control ownership and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Despite the severity of the problem I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Increasing
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
do not cause
Did you mean "introducing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Laws
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful to budget of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
drive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to work and at Road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traffics
are emanated
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
expands the roads
instead
of introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, this is the best way to decrease the traffic.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that not introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. This fact is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the subway
was built
to economize Fields. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can broaden the stations of Subway,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
local transport, which is metro
instead
of cars.

On the other hand
, I do understand the point of view of those who say drastic action
is needed
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
introduced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, it will cause to increase the cost of penalties and the local nation suffer to pay them.

Taking all things into consideration, I would tend to mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the level of transportation, do not choose to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
instead
of that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expand the road, they build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Subway stations
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The first car appeared On British roads in 1888 by the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 Millions vehicles on british Roads. Alternative forms of Transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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