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The figure we have demonstrate in which way a hot balloon works.

The figure we have demonstrate in which way a hot balloon works. Grelx
The figure we have demonstrate in which way a hot balloon works. overall, the balloon consists of 5 parts that help it to fly in the air the way we see it. first of all, at the top of the balloon there is a parachute valve which is a self-sealing flap that allows hot air to escape a controlled rate. then the lines on the balloon are called the "gores", on the these gores some kind of squares can be seen which are the panels, all of these parts combined together make the "envelope". the part that is connected to the bottom part of the envelope is named the " skirt". The rope connect both the balloon and the basket together, and the burner is placed in between these two parts. this burner is the key to the balloon flying since it contains propane cylinder which get mixed with air, in a result flame is produced and hot air is formed, which goes inside the balloon and therefor it rises.
The figure we have
Use past participle here: "demonstrated".
demonstrate
in which way a hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
works.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
consists of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
it to
fly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, at the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
there is a parachute valve which is a self-sealing flap that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
to escape a controlled rate.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
then
the lines on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
are called
the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
gores
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, on the these gores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of squares can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
which are the panels, all of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
'combined together' is redundant. Use "combined"
combined together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
envelope
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
that
is connected
to the bottom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the envelope
is named
the
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
skirt
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

The rope connect both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
and the basket together, and the burner
is placed
in between these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
burner is the key to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
flying since it contains propane cylinder which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mixed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, in a result flame
is produced
and hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
is formed
, which goes inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
and therefor it rises.
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IELTS essay The figure we have demonstrate in which way a hot balloon works.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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