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The figure shows the percentage of metal elements available in Australia.

The figure shows the percentage of metal elements available in Australia. g8Lgg
The pictorial representation in terms of figure represents the information about different metal elements available in percentage in Australia. There are several metal elements present in Australia like; aluminium, copper, gold, hafnium, lead, nickel, silver, tantalum, uranium and zinc. Tantalum and hafnium both metal elements are available merely above 50%. Tantalum and hafnium both are available in quantity of 52% and 53% respectively. Aluminium and Uranium both are present between 20% to 25%. Aluminium is accessible in 23%. We can clearly found from figure that; Tantalum and hafnium both are present in vast quantity as compare to other elements given in pictorial representation. In the representation; copper, gold and silver are available lesser than 10 percentage. Copper present in 5%, silver and gold both preset in 7%. Lead, nickel and zinc are obtainable between 15 to 20 percentage. Lead and nickel are obtainable in same amount of 19%. Whereas, zinc present in 17%. The percentage of some metals shows that they are found in similar quantity. Example; lead and nickel, gold and silver. Copper which is available in lesser percentage.
The pictorial representation in terms of figure represents the information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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metal
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elements
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available
in
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percentage
in Australia.

There are several
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metal
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elements
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present
in Australia like;
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
, copper, gold, hafnium,
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lead
, nickel,
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silver
, tantalum, uranium and zinc. Tantalum and hafnium both
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metal
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elements
are
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available
merely
above 50%. Tantalum and hafnium both are
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available
in quantity of 52% and 53%
respectively
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Aluminium' is British English.
Aluminium
and Uranium both are
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present
between 20% to 25%.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Aluminium' is British English.
Aluminium
is accessible in 23%. We can
clearly
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
found
from figure that; Tantalum and hafnium both are
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present
in vast quantity as compare to other
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elements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in pictorial representation.

In the representation; copper, gold and
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silver
are
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available
lesser than 10
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percentage
. Copper
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present
in 5%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silver
and gold both preset in 7%.
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Lead
, nickel and zinc are obtainable
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 20".
between 15 to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lead
and nickel are obtainable in same amount of 19%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, zinc
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present
in 17%.

The
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percentage
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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metals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they
are found
in similar quantity. Example;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
and nickel, gold and
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silver
. Copper which is
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available
in lesser
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percentage
.
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IELTS essay The figure shows the percentage of metal elements available in Australia.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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