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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advice from older friends is more valuable than that from friends at the same age. v.181

Advice from older friends is more valuable than that from friends at the same age. v. 181
In this day and age, ways of improving health have appeared to be a hotly debated issue in daily lives. However, the more advanced medical treatments are, the more expensive they seem to be, hence the poor cannot get access to modern medical services. Some people argue that both of the affluent and the poor should have the right to get medical treatments equally. Personally, I completely agree with this idea and believe that people’s access to proper health care should not depend on the level of their incomes. It is undeniable that middle and lower classes have taken more serious diseases than the upper class due to lack of medical facilities, shortage of knowledgeable health care information and especially exorbitant fees. Consequently, the current situation is mainly the wealthy, not the needy, can approach to the best medical treatments. This negative trend should be dealt with by letting the poor get access to advanced medical services. Furthermore, the main aim of inventing modern health care methods is improving people’s lives, and the mission of every hospital is to try their best to save and help their patients recover. Therefore, there should not have any discrimination against the poor during the curing process. This is not only the moral of a doctor, but also a humanitarian aspect. In addition, the government and the more wealthy should raise funds and set up non-profit organizations which are managed to help poor and disabled people in terms of health care. Such actions may make the scale of people suffering from common diseases decline significantly. In conclusion, every citizen has the right to access modern medical achievements irrespective of their financial status. Also, the authorities should take actions to assist the poor.
In this day and age, ways of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
have appeared to be a
hotly
debated issue in daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, the more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments are, the more expensive they seem to be,
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that both of the affluent and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
should have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments
equally
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
should not depend on the level of their incomes.

It is undeniable that middle and lower classes have taken more serious diseases than the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities, shortage of knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
information and
especially
exorbitant fees.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation is
mainly
the wealthy, not the needy, can approach to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend should
be dealt
with by letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services.

Furthermore
, the main aim of inventing modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
methods is improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and the mission of every hospital is to try their best to save and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their patients recover.
Therefore
, there should not have any discrimination against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
during the curing process. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the moral of a doctor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a humanitarian aspect.

In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the more wealthy should raise funds and set up non-profit organizations which
are managed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. Such actions may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the scale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from common diseases decline
significantly
.

In conclusion
, every citizen has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
achievements irrespective of their financial status.
Also
, the authorities should take actions to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Advice from older friends is more valuable than that from friends at the same age. v. 181

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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