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the family structure has changed as well as family role

the family structure has changed as well as family role rK5ao
In this day and age, there has been an increasing the alternation in the form and role of family which leads to numerous consequences in society. I personally believe that this trend is totally beneficial. To commence with, families have witnessed a range of changes in the structure and role of each member in the family. In the past few decades, there were three or four generations living in the same roof, but now the nuclear family which having merely one-person households have been becoming more prevalent. Because of rising the cost of living which cause the economic pressure to many families. This could prevent couples from having babies. In terms of alternation in the family member role. In the past, fathers who used to take on the role of primary breadwinner, whereas the mothers were in charge of doing chores and caring children. But recent years, they seem to have the right to gain a qualification and pursue their interest careers, these therefore the financial burdens are now shared by both men and women. Besides these, there are several benefits of these changes. The first advantage is that husbands and wives would understand each other and this they would be more respective. For this reason, the family life may be happier. Second benefit is that children of small families might be given better education or had chance to get higher academic results. However, the nuclear families could cause few negative impacts. Admittedly, parents are now too busy with working schedules so they have difficulty in spending on taking care of their children, because of without parental care and guidance these therefore children might have experience the feeling loneliness, and so they might join in criminal activities such as addicted gambling or illegal drug use which may be ruin their futures.
In this day and age, there has been an increasing the alternation in the form and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which leads to numerous consequences in society. I
personally
believe that this trend is
totally
beneficial.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have witnessed a range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the structure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of each member in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In the past few decades, there were three or four generations living in the same roof,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which having
merely
one-person households have been becoming more prevalent.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of rising the cost of living which cause the economic pressure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
couples from having babies. In terms of alternation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
. In the past, fathers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of primary breadwinner, whereas the mothers were in charge of doing chores and caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
recent years, they seem to have the right to gain a qualification and pursue their interest careers, these
therefore
the financial burdens are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shared by both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.

Besides
these, there are several benefits of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. The
first
advantage is that husbands and wives would understand each other and this they would be more respective.
For this reason
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life may be happier. Second benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
better education or had chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher academic results.
However
, the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
could cause few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
Admittedly
, parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
too busy with working schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have difficulty in spending on taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of without parental care and guidance these
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might have experience the feeling loneliness, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in criminal activities such as addicted gambling or illegal drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
which may be ruin their futures.
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IELTS essay the family structure has changed as well as family role

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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