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GOVERNMENTS SHOUD SPEND MORE MONEY IN SUPPORT OF THE ARTS THAN IN ATHLETICS SUCH AS STATE-SPONSORED OLYMPIC TEAMS.

GOVERNMENTS SHOUD SPEND MORE MONEY IN SUPPORT OF THE ARTS THAN IN ATHLETICS SUCH AS STATE-SPONSORED OLYMPIC TEAMS. BY8Q5
There has been a ton of differing opinions as to what department should the government focus its monetary support. If I were forced to choose, I am of strong belief that athletics should be funded and prioritized rather than arts. I feel this way for two reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, most people, especially the younger ones, have always been into sports and athletics. In fact, sports events such as Olympics are highly anticipated by the people. For instance, in my country, athletics unify the countrymen. I personally love athletics. Although, to be honest, I cannot play any sport but what made me become an athletic enthusiast is the vibe I always get whenever there is an athletic event and my fellow citizens are representing the country. I can absolutely feel that everyone is there to support. We all celebrate everyone's successes and loses. For this reason, I highly recommend the government to give support and focus on funding the athletics. Furthermore, if the government will prioritize the athletics especially in terms of monetary funding, it will be for sure that it will boost the athletes' confidence to give their best. Aside from bringing unity and solidarity to the country, there is a high possibility of money return in athletics. As a matter of fact, once an athlete who represented the country won his sport, he will not only bring home the pride and glory to his countrymen but he can also bring home certain cash prize. This sum of money is not little. In fact, this can be used to support the whole athletics team financially and the athlete himself. As this monetary prize is taxable, the government will definitely benefit from the athlete's earning. Hence, this is a win-win situation. Considering the above-mentioned reasons, I am of strong belief that it will be best for the government to fund and focus its support on athletics rather than in arts. This is because athletics is everyone's interest thus it can make the country unite as one and it has high monetary and pride return.
There has been a ton of differing opinions as to what department should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focus its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. If I
were forced
to choose, I am of strong belief that athletics should
be funded
and prioritized
rather
than arts. I feel this way for two reasons, and I will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
and foremost, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
the younger ones, have always been into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and athletics. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Olympics are
highly
anticipated by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, athletics unify the countrymen. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
athletics. Although, to be honest, I cannot play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what made me become an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
enthusiast is the vibe I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whenever there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and my fellow citizens are representing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I can
absolutely
feel that everyone is there to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. We all celebrate everyone's successes and loses.
For this reason
, I
highly
recommend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and focus on funding the athletics.

Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will prioritize the athletics
especially
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
funding, it will be for sure that it will boost the athletes' confidence to give their best. Aside from bringing unity and solidarity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, there is a high possibility of money return in athletics. As a matter of fact, once an athlete who represented the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
won his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, he will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring home the pride and glory to his countrymen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can
also
bring home certain cash prize. This sum of money is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. In fact, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the whole athletics team
financially
and the athlete himself. As this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
prize is taxable, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will definitely benefit from the athlete's earning.
Hence
, this is a win-win situation.

Considering the above-mentioned reasons, I am of strong belief that it will be best for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to fund and focus its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
on athletics
rather
than in arts. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
athletics is everyone's interest
thus
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
unite as one and it has high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
and pride return.
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IELTS essay GOVERNMENTS SHOUD SPEND MORE MONEY IN SUPPORT OF THE ARTS THAN IN ATHLETICS SUCH AS STATE-SPONSORED OLYMPIC TEAMS.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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