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The effect of youth crimes on life expectancy and educational economy?

The effect of youth crimes on life expectancy and educational economy? bEOVY
In many second world  countries, a huge number of crimes recorded  by youth mostly.  Although youth crime affects on life expectancy, education, and economic. Thus this countries can't ameliorate themselves as should be. In Latin countries, the rate of life expectancy is above international average. Local experts presume most young men and teenagers killed by cartels, even that they worked for them. Furthermore, many arrested young people can't be a good parents mentally, so they don't take risk to have a child. In poor countries, educated gain less money rather than criminals, thus teenagers attract more to crime instead of education. In result, criminal behavior improve and law enforcement get harder for government. By less education and population rate, a country has fewer employers and workers. Therefore economic shifts to phenomenon called bankruptcy. For that government ask more tasks from people, and allow to foreign corporations to plunder their unused potential. In conclusion, they are many effects caused by youth crime. In my point of view, making enterprising markets and also trustable education deter youth from crime. As a consequence,  Japan has highest life expectancy and lowest youth crime rate by unique economic and high tech education.
In
many
second world
 
countries
, a huge number of
crimes
recorded
 
by
youth
mostly
.  Although
youth
crime
affects on life expectancy,
education
, and economic.
Thus
this
countries
can't ameliorate themselves as should be.

In Latin
countries
, the rate of life expectancy is above international average. Local experts presume most young
men
and
teenagers
killed by cartels, even that they worked for them.
Furthermore
,
many
arrested young
people
can't be a
good
parents mentally,
so
they don't take
risk
to have a child.

In poor
countries
, educated gain less money
rather
than criminals,
thus
teenagers
attract more to
crime
instead
of
education
. In result, criminal behavior
improve
and law enforcement
get
harder for
government
.

By less
education
and population rate, a
country
has fewer employers and workers.
Therefore
economic shifts to phenomenon called bankruptcy. For that
government
ask more tasks from
people
, and
allow
to foreign corporations to plunder their unused potential.

In conclusion
, they are
many
effects caused by
youth
crime
. In my point of view, making enterprising markets and
also
trustable
education
deter
youth
from
crime
. As a consequence,
 
Japan has
highest
life expectancy and lowest
youth
crime
rate by unique economic and high tech
education
.
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IELTS essay The effect of youth crimes on life expectancy and educational economy?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 5.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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