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In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. DNaRk
It is very common for the public to work in a company rather than staying home and taking care of their young kid. Having a frequent phenomenon that most believe the income they earn would help to provide a better growing environment for their children. Most parents in the current society will go out for work to earn more wage, and hire a nanny to look after their children. Personally, to a large extent I agree with this. Firstly, parents nowadays are mostly talented in a particular field, such as business or technology. Looking after younger ones requires patience and caring, sometimes it is very time consuming. Some individuals may even find it difficult to handle babies. Paying for a professional who is familiar with taking good care of their children might be a favorable choice. Secondly, most employees who work in large companies as a profession had to undergo a long and challenging journey. They usually had to pay a large amount of time, hard work and some may need an additional huge amount of school fee for getting onto the pathway they have dreamt of. More importantly, every job requires several tests and training. Some would think that it is somehow unworthy to give up on all the hard work they have paid due to their little ones. Thirdly, going out for work gives their children an image of how realistic their society is. If one would like to pay for some daily expenses, one has to go out for work to earn income. This helps to ingrain the concept of collective self reliance since young, and children can get on their own pathway as soon as they have made their decision. This helps them to be prepared at any time in this competitive society. Yet, some may say that parents play an important role in their kids. Most especially when they are still a baby, they fully rely on their parents. If parents go out for work and leave them alone, they may feel a loss of security and be heartbroken. This may also deteriorate the close relationship between the family. Although it is very crucial to leave their kids, parents must go to work in order to earn wages and provide a tremendous upbring for them. With sufficient resources, they can have a higher education level and become outstanding. More importantly, children can grow up in a more down-to-earth world and could adapt to new environments more efficiently.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common for the public to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
rather
than staying home and taking care of their young kid. Having a frequent phenomenon that most believe the income they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to provide a better growing environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society will go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more wage, and hire a nanny to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Personally
, to a large extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays are
mostly
talented in a particular field, such as business or technology. Looking after younger ones requires patience and caring,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals may even find it difficult to handle babies. Paying for a professional who is familiar with taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be a favorable choice.

Secondly
, most employees who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as a profession had to undergo a long and challenging journey. They
usually
had to pay a large amount of time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may need an additional huge amount of school fee for getting onto the pathway they have dreamt of. More
importantly
, every job requires several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is somehow unworthy to give up on all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they have paid due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones.

Thirdly
, going out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gives their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an image of how realistic their society is. If one would like to pay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
daily expenses, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
income. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to ingrain the concept of collective
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliance
since young, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pathway as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they have made their decision. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be prepared
at any time in this competitive society.

Yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their kids. Most
especially
when they are
still
a baby, they
fully
rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them alone, they may feel a loss of security and be heartbroken. This may
also
deteriorate the close relationship between the family.

Although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their kids,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
wages and provide a tremendous
Possible spelling mistake found.
upbring
for them. With sufficient resources, they can have a higher education level and become outstanding. More
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grow up in a more down-to-earth world and could adapt to new environments more
efficiently
.
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IELTS essay In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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