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The effect of technology in our relationships

The effect of technology in our relationships K0nJ0
In this modern world, technology advancement becomes the fuel to drive connection between people. There are a lot of impacts resulted from the development of internet, computers, gadget, artificial intelligence, and other machineries. One of the effects is how it shape people in socializing with others. Firstly, technology brings us closer, for example, we can contact our relatives from other town or country by simply use call, or video call. In other case, we do not necessarily need to go to places to meet people, we can have video conferencing such as zoom to attend meetings. Thirdly, we are able socialize more because we can just easily chat and contact people by using our phone. But, it also negatively affect the relationship that we build. Even though we can easily connect to others from far, we can create a distant relationship with those who are close to us, because we are too busy to have a talk with our surroundings. Other thing is, we can not be fully present. After all, call or chat may feel different with face to face interaction. And the last, we never know what our friends really express at the moment, as we can not read the facial expression and gesture. In short, the rapid transition in technology has caused a lot of effects on our society, especially how we communicate with others. It has both positive and negative effects, and it is ourselves who are able to choose whether we want to use it for good or not.
In this modern world, technology advancement becomes the fuel to drive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
impacts resulted from the development of internet, computers, gadget, artificial intelligence, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
. One of the effects is how it
Did you mean "shapes"?
shape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in socializing with others.

Firstly
, technology brings us closer,
for example
, we can contact our relatives from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
town or country by
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
call, or video call. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
case, we do not
necessarily
need to go to places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we can have video conferencing such as zoom to attend meetings.
Thirdly
, we are
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'socialize'.
able socialize
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
easily
chat and contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by using our phone.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
also
negatively
affect the relationship that we build.
Even though
we can
easily
connect to others from far, we can create a distant relationship with those who are close to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are too busy to have a talk with our surroundings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
thing is, we can not be
fully
present.
After all
, call or chat may feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with face to face interaction. And the last, we never know what our friends
really
express at the moment, as we can not read the facial expression and gesture.

In short, the rapid transition in technology has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effects on our society,
especially
how we communicate with others. It has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, and it is ourselves who are able to choose whether we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not.
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IELTS essay The effect of technology in our relationships

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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