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The effect of advertising

The effect of advertising g5a1l
I think advertising has effect that people want to buy things. We see many advertising around the dairy life. When we are in home, we watch CM by television. When we are out side, we see a poster in the train or super market. Therefore even if we do not want to see these, we see some advertising. These days, there are many different CM on television. For example, the cute character introduces the instant noodle or the famous people change the body in the diet commercial. There are also the CM that play the strange sing. One wheel CM has strange music. when I watched the wheel commercial, I can not forget the song. This is so funny and I can remind the company thanks to that CM so My family buy the wheel at that company. One car commercial contains hurtful story. In this way, the advertising produce the interesting idea to attract buyer so I don't think advertising is so common. Also, a lot of CM use famous people. When we use the product that famous people use, we feel like we become famous people also we tend to want have the thing famous people use. I have many these experiences. I bought the expensive shampoo because my favorite model appeared that shampoo commercial. This is because I want to be like her. When My favorite artist put on the shoes to introduce the one, I bought that shoes. This is because I want have the same thing. For this reasons, I think advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising has effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertising around the dairy life. When we are in home, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
CM by television. When we are
Did you mean "outside"?
out side
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a poster in the train or super market.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
even if we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising.

These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "cms"?
CM
on television.
For example
, the cute character introduces the instant noodle or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the body in the diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
. There are
also
the CM that play the strange sing. One wheel CM has strange music.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the wheel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
, I can not forget the song. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
and I can remind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
thanks to that CM
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
My family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the wheel at that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. One car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
contains hurtful story. In this way, the advertising produce the interesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to attract buyer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common.

Also
,
Possible agreement error. The noun CM seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of cms".
a lot of CM
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the product that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, we feel like we become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
we tend to
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want have
the thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
these experiences. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
the expensive shampoo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my favorite model appeared that shampoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be like her. When My favorite artist put on the shoes to introduce the one, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
that shoes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want have
the same thing.

For
Did you mean "these"?
this
reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.
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IELTS essay The effect of advertising

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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