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Children are having extra classes after normal lessons. What are the positive and negative effects on children?

Children are having extra classes after normal lessons. What are the positive and negative effects on children? AjDle
It is opined that nowadays children are attending extra lessons after doing normal classes which is harmful for children not only mentally but also physically. This essay will shed light on both good and bad effects of having extra lessons after the normal classes which I will try to discuss from the following perspective. To embark with, extra classes have myriad of benefits first and foremost is sometimes in normal classes there are majority of students at that time mentor could not be able to focus on every student consequently a learner cannot understand properly but in extra lessons they could acquire the personal attention as well as better learning which is lucrative for student to get desire marks. In addition to it, students get chance to learn through different methods of teaching owing to differ trainers this could aid them to understand easily in two different ways. However along with benefits there are some negative effects also, lack of time for physical activities, due to extra classes students have less time for playing outside consequently they became sluggish. This would not only effect them physically but also mentely due to over indulge themself in studies. For instance, it can be generally seen that children who indulge their self in only studies are not physically active or weak by health. Moreover, due to over studies children have burden on their mind and have no time for their family members. To conclude, although study play a vital role in every children life yet over study is not good for their health, they surrounding with numerous of health issues. I believe that children should studies on limited hours along with some other physical activities.
It
is opined
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
lessons after doing normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which is harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physically
. This essay will shed light on both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
lessons after the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which I will try to discuss from the following perspective.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
have myriad of benefits
first
and foremost is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
in normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
there are
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
mentor could not be able to focus on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
consequently
a learner cannot understand
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
lessons they could acquire the personal attention
as well
as better learning which is lucrative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desire marks.
In addition
to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to learn through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods of teaching owing to differ trainers this could aid them to understand
easily
in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
along with benefits there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
also
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing outside
consequently
they became sluggish. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
them
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
mentely
due to over indulge
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, it can be
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who indulge their self in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are not
physically
active or weak by health.
Moreover
, due to over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have burden on their mind and have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family members.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
play a vital role in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life
yet
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health,
Did you mean "they're surrounding", "they are surrounding", or "they were surrounding"?
they surrounding
with numerous of health issues. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "study"
studies
on limited hours along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other physical activities.
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IELTS essay Children are having extra classes after normal lessons. What are the positive and negative effects on children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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