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The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. m1Lxn
The education is illustrated by my family is mostly better than the education is showed by School where I own to my friends and my lecturer. Yet, First I was born, I met with my family who always stays as my teacher for my whole life that I have lived and living now and will live for my future to show me false and true. The reason of that, My family is my endless teacher showing me respect, kind behaviors… are more important than mathematic or physic or chemistry. In spite of the family actions, the children grow up, live, die. For Instance, male children totally act like their daddy while they make something up or they talk. Thus, the daddy is a superhero for their mind. Owing to moms, the female children learn their once cooking, making up…etc. Some of the children generally connect to their school teachers more than their family. In my opinion, their family hasn’t looked after them very well. All these reasons which have been seen by children are an obstacle to contact with their family. In addition to careless of families on their children not only make a boy or a girl grew but also they make them unconfident, invaluable (be able to give more instance) in particular that makes the human to real Person for life. They would love to create a superhero for their future that is imitated by them. Accordingly, they keep in touch with their teachers who always help their truth or wrongs. In conclusion, the best teacher in the world is the family that let us live this life. Depends on the family members, we choose our hero to show us the truth.
The education
is illustrated
by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
mostly
better than the education is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
by School where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to my friends and my lecturer.
Yet
,
First
I
was born
, I met with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who always stays as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for my whole life that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for my future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
me false and true. The reason of that, My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is my endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
showing me respect, kind behaviors… are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than mathematic or physic or chemistry.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
actions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
For Instance
, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
totally
act like their
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
daddy
while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
something
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up or
they talk.
Thus
, the
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
daddy
is a superhero for their mind. Owing to moms, the female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn their once cooking, making up…etc.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
generally
connect to their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In my opinion, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
hasn’t looked after them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. All these reasons which have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are an obstacle to contact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In addition
to careless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a boy or a girl grew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them unconfident, invaluable (be able to give more instance)
in particular
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the human to real Person for life. They would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to create a superhero for their future that
is imitated
by them.
Accordingly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their truth or wrongs.
In conclusion
, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in the world is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
this life. Depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, we choose our hero to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us the truth.
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IELTS essay The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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