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The growing number of overwight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The growing number of overwight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. 15V9A
Everyone wants a healthy and happy life but some of them are unable to handle their health issues. Obesity is a disease that comes up with big issues in future. Over 30% people in the world are facing the severe complications of obesity and they are unable to cope up with them. The increasing number of obese people is making some serious troubles for medical experts and medicare system, and the medical experts are facing hard times in dealing with the overweight people. There are various issues involved in the obesity out of which the most critical one is to loose weight and to be healthy again. Everyone has their own perspectives about different problems and many people say that the most effective way to lose weight is physical exercises and for that reason they say physical trainings and exercises should be taught in the schools. They say that this disease can be avoided with different exercises that also play a vital role in health. As a whole, I agree to this solution because physical trainings can help people in living a healthy life which eventually helps in avoiding the overweighing issues in future. The exercises that reduces the overweighing risk plays an important role in everyone's life. And proper teaching regarding the physical education in educational institutes is undoubtedly significant for everyone.
Everyone wants a healthy and happy life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are unable to handle their health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. Obesity is a disease that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Over 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world are facing the severe complications of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
obesity and
they are unable to cope up with them. The increasing number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious troubles for medical experts and medicare system, and the medical experts are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times in dealing with the overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
involved in the obesity out of which the most critical one is to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
weight and to be healthy again. Everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that the most effective way to lose weight is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and for that reason they say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
trainings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
should
be taught
in the schools. They say that this disease can
be avoided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
that
also
play a vital role in health.

As a whole, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
trainings can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in living a healthy life which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in avoiding the
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in everyone's life. And proper teaching regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in educational institutes is
undoubtedly
significant for everyone.
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IELTS essay The growing number of overwight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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