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The disadvantage and benifit of socail medial

The disadvantage and benifit of socail medial VPKyK
These day, young generation devote a lot of their time to using social medial. While social networking can be benefical to some extent, but in my viewpoint drawbacks are more significiciant. On the other hand, the advantage of social medial in the life is undisputed. Firstly, social medial is a effective tool to keep in touch with friends, family members who live far away. For example, students who study in aborad can talk with their parents everynight, thanks to the calling function on social medials. Secondly, Social medial is a place where people can update information regularly from economy, politics, society, domestic or international. For example, the number of covid 19 cases are published on the social medial everday, so critizens are able to grasp the information of pandemic condition and conduct the preventive measure. On the other hand, Allocating more time to social medial is disadvantageous. First and foremost, these day antisocial person utilize social medial as a tool to transfer the wrong information, oppose the Government, influence the perception of young people to countries. Secondly, using social medial too much people have less time to do other activities like playing sport, learning new things. Additionaly, Looking on the smartphone sceen in a long time can negatively impact on people health. for instance, People can easily get sight-shorted or respiratory diseases In conclution, Today Social medial is getting common and is a indisable part in young generations life. However in my point of view, the disadvantage of social networking is more bigger than the advantage
Did you mean "this day" or "These days"?
These day
, young generation devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial.

While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my viewpoint drawbacks are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
significiciant
.

On the other hand
, the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial in the life
is undisputed
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
effective tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends, family members who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away.
For example
, students who study in
Possible spelling mistake found.
aborad
can talk with their parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
everynight
, thanks to the calling function on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
medials
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
medial is a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can update information
regularly
from economy, politics, society, domestic or international.
For example
, the number of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
cases
are published
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial
Possible spelling mistake found.
everday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
critizens
are able to grasp the information of pandemic condition and conduct the preventive measure.

On the other hand
, Allocating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial is disadvantageous.

First
and foremost,
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
antisocial person utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial as a tool to transfer the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information, oppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, influence the perception of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to countries.
Secondly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
medial too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other activities like playing sport, learning new things.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Additionaly
, Looking on the smartphone
Possible spelling mistake found.
sceen
in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
negatively
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sight-shorted or respiratory
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
diseases


In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclution
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
medial is getting common and is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
indisable
part in young
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "generations'" or "generation's"?
generations
life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in my point of view, the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is
Use only "bigger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more bigger
than the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
advantage
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IELTS essay The disadvantage and benifit of socail medial

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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