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The diagrams below present the estimates and projections of world population from the US Census Bureau. v.1

The diagrams below present the estimates and projections of world population from the US Census Bureau. v. 1
It is popularly believed that social networking sites have a poor influence on both individual persons and society at large. I completely agree with the statement, as it has more drawbacks than positives, leading to a narcissistic frame of mind. Social networking sites promote a faster word of mouth in any situation, I feel it's outreach is large and can be benefited to a larger scale, for example, in a crisis situation, these sites can be utilized to give proper directions to the public and can spread safety measures to a bigger crowd in a shorter span of time. Nevertheless, it can also spread damaging information in a similar way, which is dangerous and leads to unnecessary complications. Although online business can be developed and improved, there is a downside to this aspect, which is fraudulent advertising. For instance, the public can be cheated by fake promotion of low quality products by celebrity pictures, which in reality have not been endorsed by the so called stars. However, there is one positive outcome, which is, retrieval of old school mates and friends, which could be possible only because of these popular networking sites. Though the world is changing at a faster pace, I strongly believe these sites promote narcissistic behaviour and self-centeredness to another level, which in turn is destroying the social fabric. For instance, these days people are more inclined towards showing off their assets and their beauty more than their inner qualities like being compassionate and empathetic towards each other and helping those in need. Another significant negative outcome is lesser social interactions among people. More and more people are getting addicted to their laptops and phones, resulting in low quality personal relationships. For example, even in regular busy places, such as restaurants, youngsters are busy on their phones texting, posting pictures rather than enjoying a good conversation with people around them. To sum-up, it can be said that, these famous sites have brought in self obsession and absolute disregard to other's presence and managed to kill human relationships with their virtual friendships. Hence, it has done more damage than good, but nevertheless these sites can be used in an effective way.
It is
popularly
believed that social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a poor influence on both individual persons and society at large. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, as it has more drawbacks than positives, leading to a narcissistic frame of mind.

Social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
promote a faster word of mouth in any situation, I feel
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
outreach is large and can
be benefited
to a larger scale,
for example
, in a crisis situation, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
can
be utilized
to give proper directions to the public and can spread safety measures to a bigger crowd in a shorter span of time.
Nevertheless
, it can
also
spread damaging information
Consider replacing "in a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a similar way
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and leads to unnecessary complications. Although online business can
be developed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, there is a downside to this aspect, which is fraudulent advertising.
For instance
, the public can
be cheated
by fake promotion of low quality products by celebrity pictures, which in reality have not
been endorsed
by the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
stars.

However
, there is one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome, which is, retrieval of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
school mates and friends, which could be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these popular networking sites.

Though the world is changing at a faster pace, I
strongly
believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
promote narcissistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centeredness
to another level, which in turn is destroying the social fabric.
For instance
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined towards showing off their assets and their beauty more than their inner qualities like being compassionate and empathetic towards each other and helping those in need.

Another significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome is lesser social interactions among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting addicted to their laptops and phones, resulting in low quality personal relationships.
For example
, even in regular busy places, such as restaurants, youngsters are busy on their phones texting, posting pictures
rather
than enjoying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conversation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.

To sum-up, it can
be said
that, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have brought in self obsession and absolute disregard to other's presence and managed to kill human relationships with their virtual friendships.
Hence
, it has done more damage than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nevertheless
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below present the estimates and projections of world population from the US Census Bureau. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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