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The diagram below shows information about the amount of money spent on alcohol and drugs. Summarize the info by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram below shows information about the amount of money spent on alcohol and drugs. Summarize the info by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v. 1
Physical health proves to be a crucial matter with which many societies have been dealing in the past few years. These days, it is being observed that health problems are increasing in the developed world, despite the fact that health care centres have been extremely improved. There are several reasons heading to it. Nonetheless, some measures will be offered to help that. The first and foremost reason of this phenomenon is a new lifestyle. Nowadays, people use more cars than walking. They prefer to work in offices to have sedentary jobs with fewer physical activities. In addition, parents feel more comfortable to watch TV, while children are playing with video games. At the same time, unhealthy diet is the other reason of that. Many people are eating fast food or pre-prepared meals due mainly to its being cheaper to buy and easier to make. These foods contain too much fat, salt, and sugar contributing overweight. Therefore, these are the relevant reasons of why populations are facing poor-health. Nevertheless, the first remedy to address the problem is having regular exercise and a healthy diet. Doctors suggest that all people do exercise three times a week. Besides, adults need to follow this guide. Also, enough time should be allocated to do sports at school curriculum. For example, every morning all students should do exercise regularly before the class. The second key to raising the overall standard of health is raising people’s awareness. Individuals need to know the dire consequences of fewer activities, which result in some dangerous pestilences, such as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular problems. Many campaigns in parks, subway stations, community centres or public places can be the effective method. Hence, the aforementioned measures could strongly combat the problem. In conclusion, the standard of physical health is on the decrease because of the new lifestyle and unhealthy diet, however, the mentioned remedies can mitigate it. Should people know the necessities of physical activities, they will manage time to do more exercise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
proves to be a crucial matter with which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies have been dealing in the past few years. These days, it is
being observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems are increasing in the developed world, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have been
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
heading to it. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures will
be offered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that.

The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of this phenomenon is a new lifestyle. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more cars than walking. They prefer to work in offices to have sedentary jobs with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
In addition
, parents feel more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, while children are playing with video games. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, unhealthy diet is the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food or
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
meals due
mainly
to its being cheaper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. These foods contain too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, salt, and sugar contributing overweight.
Therefore
, these are the relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of why populations are facing poor-health.

Nevertheless
, the
first
remedy to address the problem is having regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and a healthy diet. Doctors suggest that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a week.
Besides
, adults need to follow this guide.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be allocated
to do sports at school curriculum.
For example
, every morning all students should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. The second key to raising the
overall
standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness. Individuals need to know the dire consequences of fewer activities, which result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
pestilences, such as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
campaigns in parks, subway stations, community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or public places can be the effective method.
Hence
, the aforementioned measures could
strongly
combat the problem.

In conclusion
, the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is on the decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new lifestyle and unhealthy diet,
however
, the mentioned remedies can mitigate it. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know the necessities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities, they will manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows information about the amount of money spent on alcohol and drugs. Summarize the info by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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