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The pie chart shows the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The pie chart shows the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
It is believed by some that watching game is a waste of free time. I completely disagree with this statement, I believe that sport would teach one or two lessons that could be directly implied in our daily life. The most compelling reason is because it is good for our memories. One club of soccer team has minimal of twelve members, one game is joined by two soccer teams. This for sure is one of the activities that our brain will gain advantage on in the future. Another reason, to have an athletic idol, will increase our motivation to be as active as them. Because, being active is beneficial for our well-being by increasing our happy hormones. For instance, my nephew is eager to learn Tennis as a result from watching his Idol’s tournament last night. Finally, sport in general has a few valuable lessons for ourselves and the next generations to come. Such as, being disciplined, to never give up and keep on fighting. Hence, this activity could serve as a fruitful family gathering. It is way better than gossiping around about our neighbours, colleagues, or even our own introvert cousins who always skip Thanksgiving dinner. In conclusion, I totally disagree with watching games is considered as misuse of relaxation period. In fact, it could give us useful takeaway such as, training our brain, motivation to be active, and it brings us closer together as a family. Given this situation, government should invest more in their youth to become more active in sport.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that watching game is a waste of free time. I completely disagree with this statement, I believe that sport would teach one or two lessons that could be
directly
implied in our daily life.

The most compelling reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our memories. One club of soccer team has minimal of twelve members, one game is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
by two soccer teams. This for sure is one of the activities that our brain will gain advantage on in the future.

Another reason, to have an athletic idol, will increase our motivation to be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
as them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
is beneficial for our well-being by increasing our happy hormones.
For instance
, my nephew is eager to learn Tennis
as a result
from watching his Idol’s tournament last night.

Finally
, sport
in general
has a few valuable lessons for ourselves and the
next
generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. Such as,
being disciplined
, to never give up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on fighting.
Hence
, this activity could serve as a fruitful family gathering. It is way better than gossiping around about our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, colleagues, or even our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
introvert cousins who always skip Thanksgiving dinner.

In conclusion
, I
totally
disagree with watching games
is considered
as misuse of relaxation period. In fact, it could give us useful takeaway such as, training our brain, motivation to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
, and it brings us closer together as a family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more in their youth to become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
in sport.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The pie chart shows the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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