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The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v.1

The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v. 1
It is argued by many that the techniques used by some companies to advertise their products are flawed and deceptive and should be discontinued. This essay agrees with the above assertion because most advertisers work with unauthentic people or items and play on peoples weaknesses in their adverts. These points will be elaborated in the preceding paragraphs The first point in support of this assertion is that most of the people or items used in these adverts are inauthentic and thus leads to a deception of consumers. Alcoholic beverage companies most of the time does not enlist their customers in their adverts, however, in a bid to make their products enticing, they hire very young, attractive individuals who might even not consume their products. Another example is hair product sellers who engage the services of models who already have long, healthy hair or the hair characteristic they claim comes from their products. These are a few of the ways in which companies deceive us in order to sell their products. The second point is that most of these advertisers play on people’s self-esteem and need for acceptance in their market. For instance, most products are offered to the consumer as the tool that will raise their status and make them accepted in society. For example, some car adverts present the idea that having a particular car is what will raise your self-worth and give you more friends. Even cigarette brands tell people that they will fit in with the crowd and be more hip if they smoke their brand. To conclude, most adverts do not present the true picture of their products or people who use their products in addition to playing on people’s weaknesses to sell their products.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the techniques
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are flawed
and deceptive and should
be discontinued
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the above assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most advertisers work with unauthentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or items and play on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
weaknesses in their adverts. These points will
be elaborated
in the preceding
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
paragraphs


The
first
point in support of this assertion is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in these adverts are inauthentic and
thus
leads to a deception of consumers. Alcoholic beverage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
most of the time does not enlist their customers in their adverts,
however
, in a bid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
enticing, they hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young, attractive individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might even not consume their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Another example is hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
sellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
engage the services of models
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
already have long, healthy hair or the hair characteristic they claim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. These are a few of the ways in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
deceive us in order to sell their products.

The second point is that most of these advertisers play on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
self-esteem and need for acceptance in their market.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are offered
to the consumer as the tool that will raise their status and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in society.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
car adverts present the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that having a particular car is what will raise your self-worth and give you more friends. Even cigarette brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they will fit in with the crowd and be more hip if they smoke their brand.

To conclude
, most adverts do not present the true picture of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in addition
to playing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
weaknesses to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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