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The development of countries and globalization give us more opportunities to go around the world. International travel will give us surprise advantages such as knowledge expansion, independence and enjoyment of life.

The development of countries and globalization give us more opportunities to go around the world. International travel will give us surprise advantages such as knowledge expansion, independence and enjoyment of life. mXpwO
St. Augustine once said, “the world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page. " It also means that we should have a worldwide trip to read whole a book. First of all, traveling abroad widens our awareness. There are various cultures that have lasted for thousands of years such as China's civilization, Indian civilization. Each country has its own aspects which are exciting to explore through the trip. They are language, traditional customs, local cuisine, costume, architecture, historical relics, etc that are only seen in books or the internet if we just stay at home. Spending time in some countries is a good chance to experience way of life of local people which teaches us real-life education, expands our worldview and makes us to be more inclusive and accepting of differences. Secondly, independence would be better after a worldwide trip. Traveling to new lands has its difficulties and we always need to solve them by ourselves. Whether that is talking with local people, buying souvenirs or visiting attractive destinations, they would be challenged to be more independent. This is a fundamental skill for everyone to learn as being able to be resourceful to cope with obstacles, especially in foreign countries. Finally, enjoyment of life is the basic and most important benefit of universal traveling. Seeing breathtakingly beautiful sights, trying new cuisine or just walking on the streets brings us a lot of memories that are considered as a part of life adventure. Base on the experience of life in other nations, we realize the complication and greatness of the world that give us positive feeling and new gratitude to savor the life. In conclusion, after finishing an international travel, wider knowledge, higher independence and a more positive life are three improvements that an individual would be received. With the increasingly advancement of transportation, going abroad is easier. Let gift yourself a trip to realize the actual world and live a meaningful life.
St. Augustine once said, “the world is a book and those who do not travel read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one page.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
It
also
means that we should have a worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to read whole a book.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, traveling abroad widens our awareness. There are various cultures that have lasted for thousands of years such as China's civilization, Indian civilization. Each country has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
aspects which are exciting to explore through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
. They are language, traditional customs, local cuisine, costume, architecture, historical relics, etc that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in books or the internet if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay at home. Spending time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to experience way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which teaches us real-life education, expands our worldview and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us to be more inclusive and accepting of differences.

Secondly
, independence would be better after a worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
. Traveling to new lands has its
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
difficulties and
we always need to solve them by ourselves. Whether
that is
talking with local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, buying souvenirs or visiting attractive destinations, they would
be challenged
to be more independent. This is a fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for everyone to learn as being able to be resourceful to cope with obstacles,
especially
in foreign countries.

Finally
, enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the basic and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit of universal traveling. Seeing
breathtakingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sights, trying new cuisine or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
walking on the streets brings us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
memories that
are considered
as a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
adventure. Base on the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in other nations, we realize the complication and greatness of the world that give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feeling and new gratitude to savor the life.

In conclusion
, after finishing an international travel, wider knowledge, higher independence and a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are three improvements that an individual would
be received
. With the
increasingly
advancement of transportation, going abroad is easier.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
gift yourself a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to realize the actual world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The development of countries and globalization give us more opportunities to go around the world. International travel will give us surprise advantages such as knowledge expansion, independence and enjoyment of life.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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