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The developement in science will make people live longer than 100 pr 200 years.what is your opinion ??

The developement in science will make people live longer than 100 pr 200 years. what is your opinion? ? 0lOl5
Undoubtedly, technology has ameliorated all the walks particularly in the medical sector. it is beleived that technological advancement will increase the life expectancy of the masses. the developement has immense benefits but its drawbacks can not be neglected. . . To begin with the benefits of science developement which make people love longer than usual time period. First and foremost, people will enjoy their life mpre by spending time with their loved ones. As a result, it eliminates their internal problems which will help in making strong relationships bond and contribute fun in their stress life. Apart from that, the economic sectors will be inclined at very high speed because pf experienced and financially stable workers which participate to increase the per capita income of the nation, while freshers are not able to managing the business enviroment which will be resulted in declined profits and increased the poor group of masses. Alternatively, it is not only help in developing the economic sectpr but also effects the life of ordinary people by providing health problems free society. However, it will imposed some negative impact on the society. Firstly, population will be increased by inclined birth rate and reduced death rate. Therefore, people will have to face the problems of shortage of living areas. Secondly, huge population create the unemployement for the people and new vacancies will not be free because pf old stressed people. Finally, it will increase the generation gap which become the cause of many conflicts because of diverse mentally thaughts. In conclusion, no doubt, it has some immense advantage but side of disadvantages dominate its possitive view. .
Undoubtedly
, technology has ameliorated all the walks
particularly
in the medical sector.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleived
that technological advancement will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy of the masses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
has immense benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its drawbacks can not
be neglected
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the benefits of science
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
longer than usual time period.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
mpre
by spending time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
As a result
, it eliminates their internal problems which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in making strong relationships bond and contribute fun in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apart from that, the economic sectors will
be inclined
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high speed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pf experienced and
financially
stable workers which participate to increase the per capita income of the nation, while freshers are not able to managing the business
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
which will
be resulted
in declined profits and increased the poor group of masses.
Alternatively
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing the economic
Possible spelling mistake found.
sectpr
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
effects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing health problems free society.

However
, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "impose"
imposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society.
Firstly
, population will
be increased
by inclined birth rate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
death rate.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the problems of shortage of living areas.
Secondly
, huge population create the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and new vacancies will not be free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pf
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
, it will increase the generation gap which become the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conflicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of diverse mentally
Possible spelling mistake found.
thaughts
.

In conclusion
, no doubt, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
immense advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
side of disadvantages dominate its
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
view.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay The developement in science will make people live longer than 100 pr 200 years. what is your opinion? ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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