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Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people? nE212
Nowadays, a lot of magazines feature stories about celebrities of what they eat, what they wear, and where they go. These kind of private information put the celebrities' privacy in danger. However, newspapers and magazines don't have the right to share this kind of this information, except if the celebrity is ok with it. In my opinion, I think that the governments should focus on this problem and find a way to stop it.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
magazines feature stories about celebrities of what they eat, what they wear, and where they go.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of private information put the celebrities' privacy in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
However
, newspapers and magazines don't have the right to share this kind of this information, except if the celebrity is ok with it. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on this problem and find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it.

IELTS essay Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
74 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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