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The dangers of smoking are well know, yet many people continue this habit. what are the causes of this? how can we reduce smoking in society? v.2

The dangers of smoking are well know, yet many people continue this habit. what are the causes of this? how can we reduce smoking in society? v. 2
Smoking is an evil which self advertises itself, everyone knows it is harmful, but it is difficult to let go of its aura. This essay discusses about the various causes of why the habit still continues to rise in the society and what can be done to reduce it. The major cause for the same is the sort of glamour associated with smoking, which has been cultivated carefully over the years by the Tobacco companies. For example, if you look at any Hollywood cult classics from the sixties and the seventies, cigarette defines a major part of the hero's character. A cigarette smoking hero was considered cool, and the fans obviously added the same to their daily life. This menace was left to run unchecked due to highly lucrative tobacco business and heavy lobbying from the cigarette manufacturers. For instance, the recent reports from the school health authorities point that kids as young as seven are smoking. For controlling the habit of smoking, governments have to bring in strict legislations. Some suggestions which are commonly raised are for heavy taxes, ban on public marketing of tobacco products, public health workshops etc. For instance, Gulf countries have strict restrictions for the purchase and consumption of alcohol, something similar should be considered for tobacco products as well. From a personal point of view, I would also suggest that topics depicting the dangers of smoking to be included as part of the school curriculum. It is very high time that we as a society decided to do something to control the spread of this habit, or else we will only have ourselves to blame for when heart diseases become as common cold.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is an evil which self advertises itself, everyone knows it is harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go of its aura. This essay
Did you mean simply "discusses the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discusses about the
various causes of why the habit
still
continues to rise in the society and what can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.

The major cause for the same is the sort of glamour associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, which has
been cultivated
carefully
over the years by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, if you look at any Hollywood cult classics from the sixties and the seventies, cigarette defines a major part of the hero's character. A cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
hero
was considered
cool, and the fans
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
the same to their daily life. This menace was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to run unchecked due to
highly
lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
business and heavy lobbying from the cigarette manufacturers.
For instance
, the recent reports from the school health authorities point that kids as young as seven are smoking.

For controlling the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bring in strict
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggestions which are
commonly
raised are for heavy taxes, ban on public marketing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
products, public health workshops etc.
For instance
, Gulf countries have strict restrictions for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and consumption of alcohol, something similar should
be considered
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
products
as well
. From a personal point of view, I would
also
suggest that topics depicting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to
be included
as part of the school curriculum.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high time that we as a society decided to do something to control the spread of this habit, or else we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have ourselves to blame for when heart diseases become as common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The dangers of smoking are well know, yet many people continue this habit. what are the causes of this? how can we reduce smoking in society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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