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The Crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to the advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

The Crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to the advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. w5Br
It is claimed that the number of crimes are being coming down. As a reason, highly improved technology is being pointed out. I am completely against this opinion due to the statistics on the crime rate and the impact of technology on society. First thing to mention is statistics shown demonstrates quite opposite as in the numbers are high compared to the last 10 years. Taking into account suicide is a kind of crime, statistics also include suicide rate. In total, this proves the possibility of crime rate not decreasing. Puting aside the statistics, we may additionally involve here the news coming from social media about crime. Secondly, many positing the advanced technology in preventing and solving crime seems amateurish. Nonetheless, they might be right about technologically development in some regards. However, I believe advanced technology influence on people's psychology in a rather negative way. People are becoming a lot more aggressive and quick to lash out. Using social media uncontrollably, people are more aware of current affairs. And it is a tool to provoke crime. Unfortunately, this propaganda may spread faster than any virus. To sum up all above, even though technology are getting advanced every passing year, they also bring its consequences, and crime is no exceptional. Based on statistics and personal experiences, I see no decrease in crime rate.
It
is claimed
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are being coming down. As a reason,
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
being pointed
out. I am completely against this opinion due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on society.

First
thing to mention is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
shown demonstrates quite opposite as in the numbers are high compared to the last 10 years. Taking into account suicide is a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
also
include suicide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In total, this proves the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
not decreasing.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Puting
aside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
, we may
additionally
involve here the news coming from social media about crime.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positing the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in preventing and solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
seems amateurish. Nonetheless, they might be right about
technologically
development in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regards.
However
, I believe advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's psychology in a
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming a lot more aggressive and quick to lash out. Using social media
uncontrollably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs. And it is a tool to provoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Unfortunately, this propaganda may spread faster than any virus.

To sum up all above,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are getting advanced every passing year, they
also
bring its consequences, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is no exceptional. Based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
and personal experiences, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
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IELTS essay The Crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to the advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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