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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties, and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties, and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and society. 2Xbk
When the topic of money used in celebration is discussed, it leads to divided opinions. A few individuals state that uses a huge amount of finance in various celebrations is a total waste of money; whereas, others counterclaim that these are crucial for people and the community. Before my opinion, both viewpoints are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. Discussing the former opinion for waste of money. To begin with, used this money in different work. For instance, social work, do some donation in NGO and public sector. Therefore, it would be beneficial for all citizens as well as for the country. Apart from that spend some money in improve facilities such as school, hospitals, public buildings and also transportation system. As a result, it would make dweller's life comfortable and easy. On the contrary, some argue that spending a fund on celebrations is required. The foremost argument supporters put forward is it can bring people to gather. In other words, people enjoy their life with their friends, relatives, and families, so it is a medium to spread happiness, smiles, or moments. Moreover, people can find relaxation from doing it. To illustrate, when people meet other people at birthday parties, weddings, so that time they share their personal experience with others. Besides, it would improve people's socio-economic status in societies. Thus, to conclude and give my inclination, to a large extent I support the former opinion. This is because waste money in celebrations used proactively so it would be advantageous for people and nations. Although, people spend money in celebration but in a little amount not too much.
When the topic of
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money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
is discussed
, it leads to divided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
. A few individuals state that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a huge amount of finance in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is a total waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; whereas, others counterclaim that these are crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, both viewpoints
are discussed
in the ensuing paragraphs.

Discussing the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
for waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
work.
For instance
, social work, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
donation in NGO and public sector.
Therefore
, it would be beneficial for all citizens
as well
as for the country. Apart from that spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
facilities such as school, hospitals, public buildings and
also
transportation system.
As a result
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dweller's life comfortable and easy.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that spending a fund on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is required
. The foremost argument supporters put forward is it can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gather. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their life with their friends, relatives, and families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a medium to spread happiness, smiles, or moments.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find relaxation from doing it. To illustrate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at birthday parties, weddings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that time they share their personal experience with others.
Besides
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
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socio-economic
status in societies.

Thus
,
to conclude
and give my inclination, to a large extent I support the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
proactively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and nations. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount not too much.
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IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties, and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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