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The crime rate is rising in many countries. Some people believe that it is due to the amount of violence and crime showed in the media. To what extent do you agree?

The crime rate is rising in many countries. Some people believe that it is due to the amount of violence and crime showed in the media. q5dBE
Some people think that the number of violence and crime scenes on the television, smart phone and social media is the reason why the crime is increase. I absolutely agree with this point of view. This article will clarify my opinion. Firstly, nowadays in big cities, many parents do not have enough time to manage their children. As a result, they can easily view and imitate violent images on television. When they come to school, they may bully their classmates or break the rules. In addition, growing up, those children are also at risk of falling into social evils. In Vietnam, parents often let their children watch TV and phones as a way of coaxing, so that their children can watch and play violent games and make them agitated. Second, many individuals are glued to their smartphones, social media, and online gaming these days. Many young people had become addicted to cellphones, social networks, and online games, which include a lot of violent scenes and social ills and are advertised as non-legal products. E-cigarettes, for example, are a popular "commodity" among teens, especially those who are in middle and high school. Teachers are attracted to them because they are cheap, small, and easy to pass. Young people have no understanding that e-cigarettes are 30 times more harmful than traditional cigarettes, but they continue to emulate "social media idols. " This has many effects. In conclusion, I believe that the media nowadays plays a significant part in the rise of crime. When accessing it, people must be able to decide between what is good and what is bad, and choose the appropriate content for their children to watch.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the number of violence and crime scenes on the television, smart phone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the reason why the crime is increase. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view. This article will clarify my opinion.

Firstly
, nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, they can
easily
view and imitate violent images on television. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to school, they may bully their classmates or break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
In addition
, growing up, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of falling into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
evils. In Vietnam, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV and phones as a way of coaxing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and play violent games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them agitated.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are glued
to their smartphones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, and online gaming these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had become addicted to cellphones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks, and online games, which include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violent scenes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
ills and
are advertised
as non-legal products. E-cigarettes,
for example
, are a popular
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
commodity
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
among teens,
especially
those who are in middle and high school. Teachers
are attracted
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, and easy to pass. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no understanding that e-cigarettes are 30 times more harmful than traditional cigarettes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they continue to emulate
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
idols.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects.

In conclusion
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
nowadays plays a significant part in the rise of crime. When accessing it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to decide between what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, and choose the appropriate content for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
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IELTS essay The crime rate is rising in many countries. Some people believe that it is due to the amount of violence and crime showed in the media.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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