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Spending alot time on video. it is better for childrens or not?

Spending alot time on video. it is better for childrens or not? aEKnm
With the rise of streaming services and the commonness of video games, children today spend a lot of time on screens and less time in physical activity. I agree that physical activity is important, but children can also gain physical activity by using screens. I will discuss this issue using examples to support my arguments. First, it is true that too much screen time can harm physical health overall. Staring at a screen for a long time without moving isn’t good for the body. For example, doctors say children who have above-average amounts of screen time are likely to get obesity than children who do not have much time on screens. Because of this, lowering screen time is indeed a worthy goal. However, this does not mean that the only way to do this is by getting rid of screens. There are many applications that encourage children to move. In fact, some physical activity app activities are noted for burning as many calories as a game of kickball. Encouraging children to use their screen time on such applications would therefore give them the best of both worlds: they could enjoy screen time while staying healthy. To conclude, a sedentary lifestyle has clear dangers. But getting rid of screens is not necessary. Instead, we can use screens to help our children move more, and this will stop our health system from becoming overwhelmed, as children will benefit from physical exercise while having fun. To this end, parents should consider encouraging children to use such apps.
With the rise of streaming services and the commonness of video games,
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children
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today
spend
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a lot of
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time
on
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screens
and less
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time
in
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physical
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activity
. I
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agree
that
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physical
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activity
is
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important
,
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but
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children
can
also
gain
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physical
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activity
by using
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screens
. I will discuss this issue using examples to support my arguments.

First
, it is true that too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can harm
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physical
health
overall
. Staring at a
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screen
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without moving isn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the body.
For example
, doctors say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have above-average amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity than
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children
who do not have much
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time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
.
Because of this
, lowering
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screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
indeed
a worthy goal.

However
, this does not mean that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to do this is by getting rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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physical
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activity
app
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activities
are noted
for burning as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
calories as a game of kickball. Encouraging
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children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
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screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on such applications would
therefore
give them the best of both worlds: they could enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while staying healthy.

To conclude
, a sedentary lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
getting rid of
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screens
is not necessary.
Instead
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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screens
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
more, and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
our health system from becoming overwhelmed, as
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children
will benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise while having fun. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, parents should consider encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such apps.
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IELTS essay Spending alot time on video. it is better for childrens or not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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