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The crime rate has actually increased due to the widespread use of technology? To what extent do you agree with this?

The crime rate has actually increased due to the widespread use of technology? BJwPa
In this era, prelation of technology is on the peak, people driven their lifestyles with full of high tech devices. On the one hand, applied sciences made our life comfortable. On the contrary, crime rate has also augmented in myriad number. Every thing has its own pros and cons. By the development of automation, almost everybody tends to a prisoner of the same. The preponderance are youngsters who involved in online frauds influenced by media and so on. I strongly agree with the aforementioned statement. My inclination is justified in the following paragraphs. To initiate with, internet has spread his wings all over the world. As the dispersion of technology, facilities are expanded and people lives are contributing to machine base lifestyle. This development leads to well established lives as well as high crime rate. In addition, majority of crimes executed because of internet and media. Teenagers are very much impressed by the movies and perform most of activities based on the stories shown in the same. For instance, one of the big online transaction fraud done in 2017 in Nigeria same as shown in movie “Fly high”. Criminals who does small crimes in the past and now accomplish as major convicts. Thus, to conclude the discussion of can be finally said that the widespread use of technology provide of lots of benefits to people as in such a hectic schedule it helps in saving time as well as money, but advancement in technology has increased large number of crimes in almost all age of people mainly in youngsters who are basically very much affect of media.
In this era,
Possible spelling mistake found.
prelation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is on the peak,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
driven their lifestyles with full of high tech devices. On the one hand, applied sciences made our life comfortable.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has
also
augmented in myriad number. Every thing has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. By the development of automation, almost everybody tends to a prisoner of the same. The preponderance are youngsters who involved in online frauds influenced by media and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned statement. My inclination
is justified
in the following paragraphs.

To initiate with, internet has spread his wings all over the world. As the dispersion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, facilities
are expanded
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are contributing to machine base lifestyle. This development leads to well established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
as high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

In addition
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
executed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of internet and media.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much impressed by the movies and perform
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the activities") or simply say "most activities".
most of activities
based on the stories shown in the same.
For instance
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
online transaction fraud done in 2017 in Nigeria same as shown in movie “
Fly
high”. Criminals who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'Criminals' should be used.
does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
accomplish as major convicts.

Thus
,
to conclude
the discussion of can be
finally
said that the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provide of lots of benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as in such a hectic schedule it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in saving time
as well
as money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in almost all age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mainly
in youngsters who are
basically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much affect of media.
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IELTS essay The crime rate has actually increased due to the widespread use of technology?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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