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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

In recent years, studies show the crime rate between teenagers has been increased more than it is being before. There are several reasons play a major role in this situation. On the other hand, this situation became an important issue must be solved by the responsible areas, such as government and individuals. First of all, breakdown the family is considered as one of the most important reasons that encouraged teenager toward dark side, as the teenagers in this level of lifecycle need a one who will be a friend with them, help them to recognize what is right and what is wrong from his previous experiences, and the best who will play this role is father and the absence of this one who played a model role in guidance will leave a huge gap in their lives. On the other hand, the family is not consider the only reason for this situation, but the government also responsible, when there are nothing to do by the teenager the wasted time will increase, and their energy will be channeled in the wrong ways toward drugs, drinks and so on. From this point, this issue became the main concern for people, so that we must find a solution which will decrease this crime rate between teenagers. One of them is the government must spend a portion to develop sport centers free or with lower register fees, create a project which aims to attract teenager to work within, such as volunteer in helping disabled children and older people. Moreover, the individuals must understand the needs of this level, attempt to help them by providing the guidance required in the appropriate means way. To conclude, our lives passed in several stages, each of them has challenges, such as crime between teenagers, and if the government and individuals play their model role, this problem will decrease more and more in the future.
In recent years, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the crime rate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
has
been increased
more than it is being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. There are several reasons play a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in this situation.
On the other hand
, this situation became an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be solved
by the responsible areas, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, breakdown the family
is considered
as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons that encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
toward dark side, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in this level of lifecycle need a one who will be a friend with them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to recognize what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
from his previous experiences, and the best who will play this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
is father and the absence of this one who played a model
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in guidance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a huge gap in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, the family is not consider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for this situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
responsible, when there are nothing to do by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
the wasted time will increase, and their energy will
be channeled
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways toward drugs, drinks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

From this point, this issue became the main concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find a solution which will decrease this crime rate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. One of them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a portion to develop sport centers free or with lower register fees, create a project which aims to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
to work within, such as volunteer in helping disabled children and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, the individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the needs of this level, attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by providing the guidance required in the appropriate means way.

To conclude
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
passed in several stages, each of them has challenges, such as crime between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals play their model
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
, this problem will decrease more and more in the future.
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IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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