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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is no doubt that the growth of technology and social media affect our lifestyle and we can utilize this as a benefit to living in a healthier way. Nevertheless, experts predicted that our standard of health will decrease in the future, I believe that this is due to the fact that stress and the increase of a fast-food franchise. The first argument that leads to declining of health for the world population resulting from stress. This is because many things have changed over the past few years. For example, in some countries, the price of houses, food, and other necessities keep increasing but the minimum salary remained the same. If they want to live comfortably, they need to take part-time jobs and this will result in a lack of sleep and depression. Moving on to the next point, the food that we eat nowadays not as healthy as before. The reason for this is that modern technology able to produce other food or additives which never existed before with cheaper price. For instance, we can see that many processed food manufacture excessively because of the demands from fast-food restaurants that mushroomed in each city. People nowadays also love to eat instant food as it is cheaper and good in taste compared to whole organic food. These days, most diseases related to the high intake of fast food and if we didn't control the production of these additives, more people will die at a very young age. In conclusion, the decrease in human health caused by our stressful lifestyle and high intake of fast food in our daily life.
There is no doubt that the growth of technology and social media affect our
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
we can utilize this as a benefit to living in a healthier way.
Nevertheless
, experts predicted that our standard of health will decrease in the future, I believe that
this is due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and the increase of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food franchise.

The
first
argument that leads to declining of health for the world population resulting from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the past few years.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, the price of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and other necessities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the minimum salary remained the same. If they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time jobs and this will result in a lack of sleep and depression.

Moving on to the
next
point, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that we eat nowadays not as healthy as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
The reason for this is
that modern technology able to produce other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or additives which never existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with cheaper price.
For instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacture
excessively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the demands from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants that mushroomed in each city.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
nowadays
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as it is cheaper and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in taste compared to whole organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. These days, most diseases related to the high intake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and if we didn't control the production of these additives, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

In conclusion
, the decrease in human health caused by our stressful lifestyle and high intake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in our daily life.
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IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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