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The crime is increasing day by day. What are the causes and how it can be reduced?

The crime is increasing day by day. What are the causes and how it can be reduced? 5LNDB
The population of the lawbreakers is escalating. Government should impose strict laws to reduce them. To embark with, now a days, crime has become the main problem for people. It it is increasing owing to less attention by the authorities. Firstly, government should have to be strict and stiff for the public. If the government would punish those who offend the laws then crime can we mitigate. Secondly, unemployment is the main reason of crime. The people who are unemployed or cashless, when have to fullfill their needs then they does crime for the livelyhood. The more unemployment, the more crime. In addition, the war games also plays a main role to escalate the crime. For example, a lot of people are dead by the gamers who had been playing the Pubg game extremely. On the other hand, crime can be controlled by the government. The Government should provide jobs so they get employed and pay their total focus on their goals. Instead of this, authorities should bestow three holidays in a month so people can interact with each other which will help them for better understanding among one another. The authorities should open new centers which will help whose people to get rid of drugs, because the other motive behind the crime can be a shortage of drugs. To sum up, there are many problems which can be mitigate by the government but the authorities should have to be strict and provide more and more employment to the people, so they can not take any wrong step which will paves the way of crime.
The population of the lawbreakers is escalating.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should impose strict laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
them.

To embark with,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has become the main problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
It seems you either mean "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
It it
is increasing owing to less attention by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be strict and stiff for the public. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would punish
those who offend the laws then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can we mitigate.
Secondly
, unemployment is the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are unemployed
or cashless, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their needs then they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
livelyhood
. The more unemployment, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
In addition
, the war games
also
plays a main role to escalate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dead by the gamers who had been playing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
game
extremely
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can
be controlled
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should provide jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed and pay their total focus on their goals.
Instead
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should bestow three holidays in a month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can interact with each other which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for better understanding among one another.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should open new centers which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of drugs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the other motive behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be a shortage of drugs.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems which can be
Consider using the past participle "mitigated"?
mitigate
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be strict and provide more and more employment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not take any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
step which will paves the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
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IELTS essay The crime is increasing day by day. What are the causes and how it can be reduced?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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