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The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better v.3

The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better v. 3
A society of people believes that referring to the data available on newspapers and books are not up to date. Whereas the other proportion of the crowd tends to disagree with this idea. In my opinion, I agree to the latter school of thought. The advancement in the modern technology provides news to the readers on the same day. In other words, people are updated with the latest news on mobile phones immediately. For instance, a survey conducted by The Hindu news publishers demonstrated that social media and social networks are faster in delivering updates to the public. Because newspapers will mostly carry redundant information, which restricts users from being up to date. As a result, newspaper readers always carry outdated information. Secondly, the data available on books are not reliable in this fast-paced world. As the society is progressing fast to reach the pinnacle, it is not effective to use books as the source of truth. For example, an extensive research by Oxford University illustrated that books do not support the contemporary world, instead, the people can use novel technologies like Kindle to stay in trend. As these novel technologies not only enable you to be updated with data, but they are also user-friendly. Consequently, books, equip users with old data. In conclusion, I strongly argue that newspapers and books are not in sync with the current affairs, as the latest technologies are leading to rendering information. If a country follows online news and books then that nation will be outstanding.
A society of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that referring to the data available on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are not up to date.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the other proportion of the crowd tends to disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the latter school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

The advancement in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to the readers on the same day.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are updated
with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on mobile phones immediately.
For instance
, a survey conducted by The Hindu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
publishers demonstrated that social media and social networks are faster in delivering updates to the public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will
mostly
carry redundant information, which restricts users from being up to date.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
readers always carry outdated information.

Secondly
, the data available on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are not reliable in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world. As the society is progressing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to reach the pinnacle, it is not effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as the source of truth.
For example
, an extensive research by Oxford University illustrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
do not support the contemporary world,
instead
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
like Kindle to stay in trend. As these novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enable you to
be updated
with data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
user-friendly.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, equip users with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
data.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are not in sync with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs, as the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are leading to rendering information. If a country follows online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
then that nation will be outstanding.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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